Two men walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. Both men engage in polite conversation with each other. At the end of the night they each take taxi's home because they realize the potential risk they pose to others if they drive intoxicated.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road I don't know

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you do if your walking into a room full of Lions and Jaguars? You stop walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Ask me if I'm a truck! Are you a truck?! No.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Wanna hear the most repeated joke on anti jokes? Why did [insert name here] fall off the swing? Because he/she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not [insert name here].

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Who is the most vile man in Britain? Jerry Carr, the guy who works at the casino.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did i get my mom for her birthday? Nothing im selfish

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the defination of cruelty

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A deaf man walks into a bar. Someone yells, "FIRE!" and everyone evacuates. The deaf man does not hear him and dies horribly.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the orphan do on Mother's Day? He went to the cemetery

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock knock Who's there? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do a toothbrush and an ice maker have in common? ....They're both in your house.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A Irish leaves and bump in to a really tall the Irish sorry boss

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why is the deer afraid of the hunter? Because he doesn't want to get shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What would you do if I walked onto your property and started to smash up your mailbox with a sledge hammer? You would be very scared and most probably call the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

two scientists line up a frog at a line and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off one front leg and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off the other front leg and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off a rear leg and tell it to jump it jumps 2 feet they cut off its last leg and tell it to jump it doesn't move they tell it to jump again it doesn't move the scientists come to a conclusion: frogs with no legs...cant hear

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A husband and a wife were having a conversation: Woman: Why is the baby on fire? Man: I dont know. Woman: BUY ME SHOES!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A lesbian and a gay both lie about there gender on eharmony, trying to get a date with someone there own gender. By coincedene, they get matched and go on a date, and both of them realize how weird this situation is and go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. The Black woman said, "Oh, den I uses the middle names."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Anne Frank say to the German Officer? Nothing. She had to keep quiet in a cramp attic in order to survive.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the Mexican jump the fence? He was at his neighbors house and it was shorter to cut through yards than to walk to his house

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops