What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Why did the Mexican mow lawns? He needed money to pay for his college tuition.

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Knock Knock. Erm, sorry to be weird, but can you perhaps use the doorbell, because it's new and has a novelty chime. I'm proud of it and get a little chuckle everytime it rings in the vain hope that, perhaps you, the visitor, may also find it entertaining. Who's there anyway?'

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Koolaid is red, Poweraid is blue, Gatorade is yellow, My urine is brown... looks like i have a bladder infection.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, I was asking you.

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My wife was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Yeh I didnt find it very funny either.

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What is worse than a dog bite? A shark bite.

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Where do you go when you find a fork in the road? To the nearest restaurant.

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A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

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A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

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what did the first fire hi-grin say to the second fire hi-grin nothing they can talk it what just really awkward.

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I once was told that life is like a box of chocolates, but then realized that it wasn't

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how do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? it doesn't matter. she can't climb up a tree with only one arm.

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PATIENT: Doctor, doctor, I can't see my legs DOCTOR: That's because you're blind

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what do you call a black guy with a bachelor's degree? by his first name, "Carl".

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Yo Mama's so fat that she is at risk for diabetes

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a woman walks into a bar, she was quickly kicked out and escorted back to the kitchen

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What's worse than stepping in tar? Getting your face ripped off by a man sized Tarantula

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Q: What does a psychic have in common with a stone? A: The bible decrees that psychics are witches and should be stoned and something topical about the stone.

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A dog was dying on the side of the road. I drove 50 meters ahead and saw it again. I was on shrooms.

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Her hair was fine, her scent was great, now show me your fucking ****.......please

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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*there was a tv sitting on the side of the road..* person 1: hey why doesn't that tv work? person 2: because it's broken?? person 1: no..because its not plugged in!

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Why did the boy lose his change? He had no Pants Why did the boy have no pants? The Holocaust

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops