Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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What did the prison inmate get for Christmas? A warm chair to sit in

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Yesterday i ate an owl with all the feathers on it

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A guy walks into a bar and laughs. Later, a green, homosexual dinosaur dentist escorts him out to play a houdini banjo.

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Why did Billy fall off his bike? He tried to kill himself.

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Why did the blonde go to the post office? Because she received a phone call from them indicating that there was a package for her.

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying at your doorstep? Matt.

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What do trees and people have in common? If you hit them enough times with an axe they will fall over.

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What do accountants do when they're constipated? Take a laxative and eat plenty of fiber.

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one time at band camp there was a guy guess what he played? no one knows

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Why did little Lynn fall of her bike? Because she has no legs.

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Whats funnier than Dane Cook. The Holocaust.

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A man walks into a bar. Ow

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because no one can draw a perfect circle.

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A Rabbi walks into a bar. He does not order any alcoholic beverages, because Orthodox Jews aren't allowed to consume alcohol except for certain times and religious customs.

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BLACK PEOPLE! (im black so its not racist)

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Why does a squirrel have the tail at the back? Because at the front it's the squirrel.

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A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet you 350 euro that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way." The man says, "Why not?" And the butcher answers, "I have a huge gambling addiction, after losing my family to it, this job is all I have left" The man leaves, ruing the silly bet he had placed.

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Q: A football coach walks into a bank. Why? A: Because one of his players is suffering from terminal cancer and he needs governmental funding for the team to play the big game against their rivals and to win, in hopes the kid will recover. Q: Why did the football coach go into the bank again? A: To receive more money to find a new running back.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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what's the only thing worse than losing a pen before a test? getting raped by a pedifile. -teagan doherty-

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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