A seal walks into a club. And proceeds to die. Why? The seal isn't able to walk so it was crawling and a man was swinging a club to it's head, so it perished and he could feed his family. The Statement was censored by the FCC

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What did the commentor say when he saw the "waht's worse than finding a worm in your apple...the holocaust." joke? I am offended to your cruel referance to worms.

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Why do we have brown eggs? Because black people have sex with chickens

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An Irishman, an American, an Australian, a Chinese man, a Turk, a Brazillian, a Canadian, a Jew, an African, a German, a Mexican, a Norweigian, a Swede, a Spaniard, a Russian and an Indian walk into a bar.

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What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I masturbate ?_?

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How do you make a fat man cry? You call him fat.

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Relax, close down the place, he wont get very far. The rest of you better stay inside, and I promise you will all remain safe and secure.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Dog Dog wh- wait how did you knock? *mindblown*

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God Nero, Marry me now! I removed the nose thingie but it wont stop.

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Knock knock. Who isn't there? Not me. Don't come in. I won't.

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Q : Who is the most famous celebrity, Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber? A : Neither, because they are just fads.

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What can you tell by a black guy who walks into a bank with a ski mask on? His face was severely disfigured in a horrific accident.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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The last head of Satan, is oh but what you blamed upon Your faults, Your sins. The thoughts of Madness written here, yet potent enough to cloud Your thoughts.... Wait not forever children of man, as eternity is at its peak, the false prophet IS AMONGST US! But what side is he on? The last ditch attempt to protect humanity from a raging jealous vengeful God? Say it is not so! Say that darkness is not the only thing standing against you and eternal damnation... ...Yet you killed his only true child, you stole his name, his essence... Even his Identity... ...Even the Angels white are powerless to stop him, Your maker, Your true maker, for what is the grief of the holy, from which you took his only son... ...As you celebrate once and once anew... :...Merry CHRISTmas, to all of those of you all now left behind... Celebrate it well, as before the world reaches 2017, is where it all ends...

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

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Billy was taking a stroll in the forest, when suddenly he met a bear. Billy remember what his father had taught him, and quikly lied down on the ground, pretending to be dead. The bear started licking Billy's face. Still he remained calm. The bear bit off Billys finger. Still he did not move. When the bear ate Billy's foot, he nearly panicked. But thinking of his wife and children he mustered his last remaining strenght, and did not move a muscle. If he tried to run or fight the bear he would surely die and never see them again. Then the bear ate Billys head.

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Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car. He tells the car where to go!

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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Q: How did the man walk across the road? A: With his own 2 feet!

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's not funny.

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You mom is to dumb when she herd about Walgreens she thout all the walls were green

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A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "We don't serve food here." The sandwich charges the barman for discrimination.

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What's difficult and tedious to do? Trying to find a joke with 0 thumbs up/down -Sykes

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Q: Why did the little boy fall off the swing? A: Because he was hit by a bus, and then was raped violently. He is currently undergoing psychotherapy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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