What did the orange say to the lemon? "Hello"

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What did the star say to the asteroid? Nothing, astral bodies can't talk, you dipshit.

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knock knock Dave's not here.

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Why is the sky blue? Because it is

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Whats the best part about having sex with 25 year olds? There 20 of them.

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Q: What is green, jumps and says i'm a frog? A: A frog that talks

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a truck.

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Physics. Why did Tommy fall of his bike? He was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout? Boyscouts came back from camp

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Why couldn't the color blind orphan find his apple? Because he was also blind.

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What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

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they say a rolling stone gathers... speed until it reaches maximum potential speed and cannot go any faster.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a screaming goat

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Why was the blackman fired from his job? Beacuse he was late too many times which was unacceptable.

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A man walks into a dairy. Most people will not get this as it is cultural slang and they will think it is referring to dairy products.Oh well. This was going to be a good joke.

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How can you tell if an elepant has been in your refrigerator? It has been destroyed.

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I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

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Q: The girl fell for the guy, but the guy was sad about it, why? A: Because she fell off a cliff.

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Where did the RICH black man go to? His home

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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