Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One, usually.

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Q: What did the Mexican say to the other Mexican? A: To get to the other side.

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What happened to the pig? It got turned into bacon like every other pig.

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A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on suicide The librarian gives him permission and he leaves the library with the book in hand.

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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What more orange that a lime? Most things.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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How many days can a pelican whisper? Pelicans can't whisper.

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What did the cop say to the speeding black man? "Can I see your license and registration?"

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? You don't, he just jumps down.

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What did the tramp get for Christmas? Nothing because he's Jewish.

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What did Tim's grandma get him for his birthday? Nothing, because Tim's grandma died in a car accident 2 years ago

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Why was the black man pulled over on his way to KFC? Because he ran a red light.

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what did the maker of anti jokes website say while reading some of the jokes on here? these people r idiots. and he lived happily ever after. then died. Good one

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Word Problem Q.John has 32 candy bars. He eats twenty eight of them. What does he have now? A. Diabetes. John has Diabetes.

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Q. Why was the boy depressed? A. Because he lives in a world where apparently all girls are right.

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Q:why did jimmy fall of a swing? A:Because someone threw a fridge at him

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

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Jesus Christ

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whats worse than getting caught by a teacher for chewing gum? getting kidnapped by a giant hawk.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i thought violets were violet. hmph.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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