Roses are Red Violets are Blue I'm Schizophrenic And so am I.

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What's red and smells like metal? A tricycle. It's covered in blood.

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Why did the ground beef taste funny? Because little Timmy fell in the grinder.

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You're such a dork you were found on the bottom of a whale.

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What did the white man say to the group of mexicans when a golf ball was coming toward them? 4!

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A homosexual and a heterosexual bump into each other on the street. But its okay, because although they both lead very different lifestyles, they are open minded enough to respect each others choices and both apologize and keep walking.

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what did the boy say to his mum when he got home from school nothing he has no tongue

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Why did the baby cross the road? he was taped to the chicken

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hi im tom. whats your name? joe. hi im tom. whats your name? joe... tom has short term memory loss.

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Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple whilst you're in a bar after finding out you have cancer when you visited your families grave? Having a refrigerator thrown at you by an aids infected monkey with no arms or legs.

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

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What is green and looks like a blue car? A Green car

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How many pancakes does it take to fill up a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones.

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Why is this anti-joke here? Because someone submitted it to this website.

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Q: what do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill? A: mudslide

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Why did Jimmy's mom cry? She got stabbed in the arm and was suffering while bleeding to death.

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So an irish man walks into a bar, 10 seconds later he is dead. What happened was there was a sharp piece of metal on the bar so is cut his throat and he bleed to death.

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How many blonds douse it take to change a light bulb I dont know it hasn't happened yet

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How did the dinosaur come out of the water? Wet.

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Why could'nt Ray Charles read: He was black

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My uncle got hit by a truck, what was the last thing to go through his mind? The drive shaft.

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Why did the blonde commit suicide? Because she hated her life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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