come along children

thumb_up thumb_down +39

STOP LOOKING AT MY JOKE

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did sally fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did Hitler cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Me: Tell me I'm a fairy. You: You're a fairy. Me: Poof! You're a bag of shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q. Why does Hugo masturbate? A. To build muscle.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A hiker gets lost on a trail and ends up wondering deep into the woods. He comes upon an amish farm. He knocks on the door and an amish man answers. The hiker explains his predicament, and the amish man says "sure you can stay in barn, but promise me one thing, don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course I won't". He then goes to the barn. Right before the hiker falls asleep. The amish farmer comes in and says "make sure you don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course not". So the next morning the hiker is rested, well fed and is about to leave when the amish man approaches and says, "Thank you being decent and christian like."

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A man asked a friend at work if he could have $100, his friend replied "sure I'll give it to you when pigs fly", that man never received $100 dollars from his friend.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's the difference between uranium and plutonium? Blast radius

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Q: Why did the boy cry? A: He was denied access into heaven

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A businessman walks out of a store with his new haircut he was bald.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why are elephants gray? to tell them apart from blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinson's Disease which causes his hands to shake uncontrollably thus making drawing anything relatively difficult and a perfect circle impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

There once was a genie With a sevenfoot weenie And he went to the lady next door She thought it was a snake So she hit it with a rake And then he murdered the shit out of her.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I'm not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical. Hey! Don't get all religous on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Nothing because they are on opposite sides of the earth

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What smells like curry and bombs? A dead Indian

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a man who just died 5 minutes ago? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the white man rub the black man's hair for good luck? Because it's good luck to rub a black man's hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How did the jew reply to the racist comment? Judaism is not a race, it's a religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A cat and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "it's refreshing to see perennial enemies enjoying each others company".

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How many gays does it take to turn a lightbulb? 1

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops