What did the man with leprosy say to the prostitute? Keep the tip

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask them politely to turn down their volume.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Woman : Child,what time is it? Child : I'm not a kid, I Broccoli.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Dead baby jokes aren't funny, dead babies are though.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot. What are you, racist?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock Knock! Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I met a man today. His name was John.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's big, black, wide, long, and has white lines all over it? A new highway road.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Yo' mama's so fat, she has difficulty finding clothes that fit

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why was the kid named owen? Because thats what his parents wnted him to be named

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Living through the Holocaust and finding a time machine to take you back to the beginning of it again.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What if Chuck Norris got shot by a bullet? The most interesting man in the world would save him.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the little boy's head so big? He had a tumor in his brain.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Excuses are like butt holes...they are round

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Statutory Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Jesus the comedy skits: 1. Jesus just hanging around on a sunny day getting a bit philosophical... Jesus hanging on the cross screaming towards the sky: "FATHER WHYY!?" God: *Giant thunderbolt across the sky as a giant storm begins, it rains whirlwinds etc supposedly worst storm since Noah`s ark according to The History Network* Wet,cold Jesus with ringing ears: *Gurgle* *spits* ... WTF kinda answer is that? Could you not just have said because I work in mysterious ways or something equally stupid? TRUE fact: "then the lordeth sent forth a hailstorm of epic propotions in order to silence all of his insolent children, this was before the burning ashes and the sharp nails of course" -History channel 2. Jesus The wiseguy eh? Jesus being wise: "Only he that hates his mother and father can become my a student of mine" "And as thus God commanded that a single spiky cross with his son`s measurements where made, when Peter asked oh why lordy lordeth? God responded: Because of sin" and all was good" "Then Peter asked Goddeth, oh lawdy lawd, what is sin? God replied: Something original now shaddap!, and all was good?" 3. Brokeback Jesus fact: The bible does not use the word Donkey. "Jesus, why doest thou enter thy neigbors home and ride upon his large ass?" Jesus the psychic: "I shallt just ride upon his ass for a few hours, then God shall take ride his ass back", Ugh, I just got the feeling this is going to sound total Ass in the future... Who is quoting us by the way? -History channel. 4. Jesus the: Dumbass moments extended "Then Jesus touched upon the fig tree that denied him figs that WINTER, later the fig tree was dead for its lazyness" (real if not correctly quoted Jesus fact Kay?) Fact: Fig trees dont exactly look alive during winters, besides no trees give fruit during winter. "Then Jesus proceeded to demand eggs from a rooster, which he killed for the roosters lazyness" "Then Jesus proceeded to milk a bull and..." 5. Real story that does not quite make sense to me. Some blind guy was possessed by Legion, when they (WE ARE LEGION aka bunch of demons) saw Jesus they begged him not to kill them, as they would face God`s wrath. Jesus seemingly spared their life by putting Legion`s into several pigs... Which ran off and drowned themselves in the nearby river. ...Why did they suicide? Was it so humiliating going from a blind old man, towards pigs that they literally drowned themselves (one of the more painful deaths there are) and then probably faced da lawds wrath anyways?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

if this joke was a potato, it would be a good potato

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's worse than being human? Nothing... No I literally mean nothing at all. Like not being anything?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Q: why did timmy fall over? A: he was hit by a plane

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A duck walked up to a bad hearing drug dealer, and dealer asked duck, "What you do want?" A duck said, "Quack!" So dealer gave duck a crack

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What's the difference of a team of black people and a pile of shit? None. Kelvin Yang.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What's the problem with blonde people? They don't have black hair.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops