So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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What does a homeless man get for Christmas? A gun to kill himself with

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Listen Nero, I understand now that this is your real name, actually I know where you live thanks to the good old phonebook... ...My order is fully based on respecting and treating all living beings equally and focusing on actually putting old notions such as Gods and superstition away in order to strengthen humankind`s belief in itself and others. As for Nerometal, well, that was one of my... Lesser followers, I assure you they have been taken care off, they will not be bothering you ever again. What would it take for you to forgive our transgressions? Money? Power? Ask and you shall receive, as far as your identity goes, you shall have it back and I shall use another site in the future.

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What is worse than 10 babys in 1 garbage can? 1 baby in 10 garbage cans.

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Why was the boy sleeping on the curb? he wasn't actually sleeping, he actualy just got hit by a car and had already died.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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How did the black kid get in school? By taking the bus.

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Why wasn't the cab driver sent to prison after bombing the school? It was a suicide bombing.

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Why didn't the lawyer submit the car accident he endured to his local courthouse? He was dying of internal brain damage from the shards of glass lodged in his brain from flying through the windshield.

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What is black and blue and red all over? My wife.

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How do you kill Glenn Campbell? Stab him with a screwdriver.

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Knock Knock! F*ck off

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says "I just found out I have AIDS"

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why did the monkey fall? he got hit by a train

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Why did the blonde fall off the cliff? She was blind and deaf so she never knew where to go, and her parents kicked her out for her problems. It is a sad situation that noone wants to go through

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Why did the blonde turn down prostitution? She knows it is illegal and has better moral values than that.

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Why was the Muslim crying? Because his brother got hit by a bus.

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WHat did the Somalian girl get for Christmas? AIDS

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What's worse than losing your job? Getting repeatedly hit in the face with a brick after getting fired from your job.

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can you touch your toes? no

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knock knock. who's there? your neighbor. o hi come one in!

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What did tyler say to Jake? My pussy is wet jew

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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