What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

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What the flower say to the bird. Nothing

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Your mom's so fat... she probably needs to go on some sort of diet to avoid a serious heart condition and inevetible death

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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(A man goes to visit his neighbor) Knock! Knock! ...................... ................... ................ ............ he walks back home

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What do you call someone who kills a black man? A murderer

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What's black and blue and hates sex? The unfortunate child in a pedophile's basement who the police have yet to find.

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What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

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A deaf man walks into a bar. A few minutes later, cops come in and takes the poor man into the cop car and takes him downtown to the precinct for booking. Meanwhile, back in the bar the deaf man drinks his beer and converses with the bartender in sign language.

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Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

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What did hitler say to the jews? Die.

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My girlfriend is getting an abortion tonight. Its a surprise.

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Twelve billion Nero, you puppy dog you hot blooded latino man. Why cant I control it myself?

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what do u call a joke with no punchline? A non-harmful joke

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Your mother is so fat she has to have her clothing specially ordered, this brought her to a massive credit card bill and made your entire family bankrupt.

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Want to hear a popular joke? Women's Rights

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Why did the black man get fired? In this economy businesses are downsizing and outsourcing jobs for cheaper labor.

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Why couldn't Billy eat his dinner? Because a black man amputated his hands.

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Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus? Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of african decent to sit in towards the front of a bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of european decent.

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What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Nothing, his wife had an abortion.

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft. They all die of dysentery.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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