Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: 'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.' Watson says: 'Someboby stole our tent.' Holmes and Watson look at each other, shrug and go back to sleep. At least the thief kept their blankets.

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How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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why did the boy call the girl a bitch? Because she was beautiful.

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Little johnny raised his hand one day in class and asked if he could use the restroom. The teacher said he had to say the abc's first. Johnny successfully recited the abc's and then proceeded to use the restroom.

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How do you survive the zombie apocolypse? You avoid dieing or being mutated in the living dead.

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what is the name of the book that helen keller wrote LADIUFgSLDGFhalkjgfvcgh

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Why did the little boy fall out the window? A child molester pushed him.

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I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

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Knock knock. Whos there Time to get a watch

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How does Hitler like his juice? With pulp

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Why did the short man fall down the stairs? He got shot in the face with an assault rifle.

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Water is blue. Fire is red. Come on let me show you what happen in the bed.

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because his face was stapled to the wall.

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A man and a midget walk into a bar each carrying a suitcase. They were stopping by after work.

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what do u call a dumbass phone cia cias phone

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I was about to do an triathlon, but i took an arrow to the knee. It got infected and i promptly died two days later.

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What do you call a guy that just shit himself? Me

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Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear, fuzzy wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy had no hair because he had cancer and died 3 weeks later.

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What happens when you mix breed a cat and a human?? .. you get arrested and get raped by your fellow prisoners DONT do it!

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Why couldn't the pirate go to the movies? He had scheduling conflicts

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

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Iceland is actually green and Greenland is actually icy and Germany started the Holocaust.

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Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense, Refrigerator Sex

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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