Whats Yellow And Cant Swim A Bulldozer.

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Who has two thumbs and lost them? Me but I can't really point at myself due to the lack of thumbs.

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Who do u talk to when everyone is ignoring you? Nobody will talk to you so what's the point?

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Why do Jew's have long noses? To dig out of the ashes.

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Whats 1+1? window!

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What's small, furry and looks like a mouse? Most probably a mouse but given the large number of mammals with similar appearances to a mouse it could easily be a shrew, vole or even a rat if you don't know your rodents very well.

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Roses are smiling, violets are trying to kill me. DId I mention I'm a paranoid schizophrenic?

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A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

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What was the last thing that went through the crashing helicopter pilot's head? The propeller.

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what did the guy say to the goose? i know you don't understand but my life sucks. my wife just dumped me for another man and my kids hate me. thank you. you are the only one to understand.

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An Asian man walks into a bar and ask the Barman for a beer, the Barman is racist and therefore tells the Asian man to leave his pub. The man goes home and drowns his children in the bath and pushes his wife down the stairs, he is found out by the police and is given a life sentence in jail. 5 years later the Barman kills someone in a bar fight and is also sent to jail for life. The Barman meats the Asian man in prison and they settle there differences with a handshake. Two days later the Barman was stabbed in the neck.

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Why is the baby not crying? Because it died of herpes. JUST KIDDING! Babies can't get herpes.

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Why did the pot-head have red eyes? He got soap in them.

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Yo mama is so old, she might die soon! - Louis

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I chucked a shit and flushed the toilet.

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A black man shoots someone. He was a cop and he killed a dangerous man who attacked him.

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What do you get when you cross a road with a car? Severe injuries or even death.

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How do you wake up your grandmother........ You don't, she had a massive heart attack and died in her sleep

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What did the banana say to the apple? We're fruity.

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Why doesn't the farmer have a dog? He doesn't like dogs.

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What do you call Bob if he gets a nose ring? Bob

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Why is the black guy jobless? He's 3 years old.

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Which is heavier, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of lead? It doesn't matter when your loved ones are being torn apart by bears.

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if someone chucks skittles at u and says "taste the rainbow!!!!" chuck m&ms at them and say "Im not afraid!!!!!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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