- Anti Joke

What starts with "P" and ends with "orn"? Popcorn

Why was the house on fire? A dog peed on it.

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

Enters password. Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies. Enters password. Password Strength: Weak

What's long hard and black A drain pipe

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple ? The Holacoast

Do you have to be so, you know... Open about what we are gonna do and stuff? I mean I know some people here, and you are a married man and you know.

What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?? Nobody knows because he had no arms, therefore he could not open any presents.

What's big or small, can come in different colors, and would kill you if it was forced inside you? A refrigerator.

AIDS

Good work kids, I would have told you later, but had to know how deep their infiltration had gone. Tell Necrissa that we where convinced she had gone down, and that we are all relieved to know she is alive. I an Liz gave them the coordinates for Ground Zero, whose members we where able to get to safe locations yesterday, Its time to play a game of diversionary tactics here. We are expecting our enemies to arrive at, and enter Ground Zero, at that point we will seal the entire damn bunker off and detonate the whole thing, this should not only buy us enough time, but also allow us to pick off whichever enemy targets make it out alive. While our main communication lines are still largely unsafe, I have discovered several other ways we can communicate trough the internet without exposing ourselves. So far only I and some of the boys have received minor wounds and will make it trough, at ease, if we have counted our enemies right, there is no reason you should fear any reprisal, their numbers are dropping hard and fast. There is no reason to search for Nero1 trough 6 they are all down for good, I suppose its time to let the second generation take over from here on, as you know, I always have a backup plan, and as such you might leave the designated sectors and join us at Ground Zero or secure other areas, this time I leave the method of aproach and tactics up to you, as I am literally losing my mind because of the fever and the fucking cold here, still I ask that you send fifty of you to check of for Liz and her family, remain there until this is over. In time we can leave this for the authorities, but the remaining sectors not under our control, and not to mention whatever people the authorities send, so I leave this all up to you. Seems like most, if not all of the members these assholes executed where those that infiltrated us to begin with for whichever reason, as such the body count for those we can consider our own remains at least for now, minimal at worst. By the way (I almost forgot, health not so good here) our team managed to sever their communications, so they are left in the dark just like us... Which means we got every tactical advantage. The only thing that bothers me now, is that we have no choice but to bury Ground Zero, that thing cost us a fortune and too much time and effort to construct, with that said, it is already loaded with enough explosives to sink four cruisers (better to overdo it than leave these assholes alive) Not sure about you boys, but as far as I am concerned, this will soon be over, as for their leader (lets simply call him "Ivan") he is nowhere to be found, and unless you caught him (or worse killed him, both things id expect you to let me know by now) he is aproaching Ground Zero at this moment, meaning that he is indeed sending everything at us. So far he has told us that he is part of a much larger force, if this turns out to be true, then I dunno about you Shadow Men, but I believe that this would mean it is time for payback, not necessarily for revenge, but to make sure this never repeats itself. Consider this all good news men, I long suspected there where many many bogus members among us, and now it seems their superiors have cleaned them all up for us leaving those truly loyal and a fresh start. We can mourn the loss of our "Nero`s" later, for now I suggest you wait until Ground Zero is down, and await further orders. If all goes well, it wont matter if they can hear us or not in fact I want their leader to hear us by then, and do not worry, he is not at any location we might know of, but this way, we might be able to easily lure him out, and finally find out if this is his own little solo operation, or if he is part of something bigger. Final note: Now that we know who`s really on our side, expect reinforcements, there are more shadows out there, meaning that if you have had an easy time so far, things should be piece of cake from now on, they will identify themselves as per usual and bring you further... "assets" for our continued success. I am pretty sure this is far from over though, I happen to have met and trained with this "Ivan" a few years ago, and he works for the highest bidder meaning he is unfortunately working for someone with the cash to pay for at least one army, on the bright side, whatever higher ups sent him, they havent gotten anything for their moneys worth. Plan summary: Wait for the second and third batch of "shadows" to join up with you in just a few hours, then retake the remaining sectors, in the meantime the rest of us are freezing our asses off at the fittingly named Ground Zero which we KNOW the enemy is coming for, hopefully anytime soon, we will wait for about half of their force to enter the base, then drive the rest inside what they are bound to believe will give them the tactical advantage, and then trigger a small remote explosive, which should cause a major chain reaction, killing them all except for "Ivan" which prefers watching at the sidelines, good for us, bad for him. Gotta leave for a while now, I am still very delusional from this fever thing and seeing shit that is not there, so unless I take it easy, things might get a bit more complicated. Seriously boys, before your main man came up with a bit of old fashion diversion tactics I thought I was gonna die and was ready to do so... Its probably just the fever and my fucking jaw hanging and hurtin bad, but I am almost a bit disappointed to remain alive. Great news, our main network is secure, I repeat our main network is secure, there is no reason to use Horsehead from now on, and it is only a matter of time before we can at the very least consider using our good old "cellphones" for more "intimate" communication, but lets not get ahead of ourselves, this is no time for bromance. Damn... Viscount just passed away, not from the cold but from sniper fire earlier, we have of course relocated since, yet they are just toying with us at this moment, the brunt force of their guys are losing their patience and will soon arrive, this should be fun. Ps: Make sure you send at least 50 men to check up on Liz, and do not leave her side until this is over, my wife is safe and sound as well, and as mentioned above, I got shot a couple of times in the leg, but I if I die, it certainly will be from the fever, and not from any minor damage, and the fever aint that bad. Lets keep our main communications where it belongs, I am sure people would like to post their little Anti-Jokes in peace, at least until I am back and controversial again, which wont be for long... Feverish man has to have some fun once this is over... Do not reply on horsehead, and if I might suggest so, focus on stealth from here on in order to keep the friendly death count down, I suggest you disable their explosives, and leave the rest for the authorities, just make sure you dont make it in the news or something huh? We wont succeed in our goals if our existence is compromised, and once it is, the world is really gonna apreciate/hate our actions, setting second and final objective into motion. Id tell the shadows to watch over you or something cheesy, but I just remembered that you are the freaking shadows. Now, reply all you want, but on our station and make sure most of you stay alive, we might most likely have to prepare for some payback shortly as the "Ivan" I knew some years back, would never pull this himself... ...On the bright side, he and his "ex comrades" likes working for the South African drug cartel, meaning we wont have to take on any Russian leaders or anything sketchy like that... ...If we have to though, we will. Okay, head is throbbing now, going to conserve some energy for the final push, leaving the newly appointed "Nero1" to handle the communication with you in the future. Of hell, btw, do not even dream of sending any reinforcements over here, the lesser we are, the harder we are to find, and the most likely it will seem like we have retreated into Ground Zero`s main bunker. Id say good luck, but leave nothing to chance, this is not about luck, and if it had been, my team would have been fucked over already, so... Uh... Proceed or whatever they say.

How do you stop a drunk driver? With a minivan and family of four.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? This site.

You cant spell chorus with out... Vagina!

What is the differnece between the chair and the pot? You can't cook in the chair.

What's funny? Women's rights.

What did the dealer say to the addict? Sup.

What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? Nothing, it didn't get stuck in the first place because cows are incapable of climbing trees.

A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

What's sad about a girl getting hit in the face with a shovel? The shovel got dented..

What's the difference between Hurricane Sandy and Barrack Obama? One is a catastrophic event that resulted in thousands of deaths, countless power outages and homes destroyed, and millions of dollars in damages, and is said to be one of the worst tropical storms to ever hit the nation. The other is the President of the United States, who has put in an unbelievable amount of effort to fix our economy, create jobs, and make America a better place to live. So as you can see, the two things are extremely different. One must wonder why this question was even asked in the first place, as one is a human being and the other is a storm, making any common traits between them almost non-existent.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car. -Tag

mirror mirror on the wall who has the most desire of them all? Matt Daly!

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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