Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A horse enters a bar. The bartender looks at the horse and says "Why the harness?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you do i a stranger offers you candy? Make sure its not stale then jump in his van.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What make's a constuction worker drop's his hammer? MC Hammer moves.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what do Russians play? Tetris, what else?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

An alcoholic walks into a bar.... I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother is a prostitute.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A duck walks into a bar. Then he walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your mama is so black, she contributes regularly to the NAACP and the United Negro College Fund. Her donations and volunteer work help greatly.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why did the child kill his mother because the child gave his mom AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chicken cross the road? ... it wanted to cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was the blonde walking funny? She had a ten foot long metal bar shoved up her butt, and it was very painful to walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the blonde leave the lamp on while sleeping? Because it helps to see in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE THEY'RE A LIGHT SLEEPER!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Every time I walk across the street I do the Hitler march and raise my arm straight out to salute him, if I feel like holding up traffic, I take smaller steps

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Yo momma's so fat, that she got baptised in Sea World.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Wuy are Kenyans so fast? Because due to variations in evolution, people from that part of the world have a better muscle build to run at higher speeds than equally trained athletes from other parts of the world.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the guy go to the strip club? To look at naked people.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What happened when the president cut the hedge That is a highly improbable solution because he would probably have a body guard do it.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whats the difference between 2 white men? They both have different jobs and one is racist orange peel.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What has four legs and rocks? Your baby kitten that just got stoned to death.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops