Q: What did the Miracle Whip say when the refrigerator door was opened? A: Nothing. Miracle Whip cannot speak.

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Why did the man cross the inerstate? Well, he only got half way till he got hit by a truck, but he wanted to, it was suicide. oh ya, it wasnt a man it was a chicken. oh well. They are both dead.

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If life throws you lemons Catch them

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So I went to the airport the other day, and the new TSA regulations are very strict.

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How do you keep a woman entertained? A delightful romantic comedy

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What's red and silly? A blood clot

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What has two arms, and two legs but cant walk? A Cripple

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How do you keep children off your front lawn? You molest them.

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What's the difference between blacks and whites? The skin color

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im jewish

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Want to hear a joke? Justin Bieber

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What do you get when you put a dead baby and some nails in a blender? A dead baby and some nails

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Knock Knock Come in!

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You're an Irish male that walks into a bar full of Mexicans. Upon entering you are approached by two topless women. ....You realize you have been coming to the same sleazy strip club on the edge of town every night after work for the past few years. After seeing that you have gradually become completely bald and neglect your two children and wife, you recognize your extreme depression. Strippers now see you as a consistent, "paying customer" and you proceed seek psychiatric care, while being prescribed anti-depressants. The Mexicans at the bar are hard working, tax-paying citizens that would like to provide an education for their children.

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An Arian man walks into a German-owned bar and asks to use the restroom. The bartender sees this acceptable and allows it. Soon after, a Jewish man asks the same question, but this time the bartender said no. The Jewish man thought it was an outrage and demanded why, so the bartender calmly explained to him that the Arian man was still using the restroom and that when he was finished the Jewish man was free to poo as he pleased.

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why did helen keller fall down the stairs A; i pushed her

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LAMBORGHINI MERCY, YO CHICK SHE SO THIRSTY! IM IN THAT 2 SEAT LAMBO WITH YO GIRL... and I'm giving her some Gatorade because it'll quench her thirst but I'm making sure she doesn't spill on my seats because it's new, k

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Why are video games fun? To get a mushy brain :P

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How do you win a war? Drop a fridge on your enemies.

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-hey sam look what mom gave me for christmas -what eli? -a new baseball bat -thats your prosthetic leg silly

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roses are black violets are gray im color blind

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What is the difference between a black guy and a bucket of crap? Well, one consists of two inanimate objects (a bucket and feces) and the other is a human being of African/African-American descent. As you can see there really is no real comparison here.

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A baby seal walks into a club

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How many midgets can you fit into a telephone booth? Well, it really depends on a lot of factors. The size and design of the phone booth itself is pretty important. Also, midgets really have a wide range of sizes, but we could do some analysis and find out the average at least. Based on that we could have an estimate done soon.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops