What do you get when you cross an octopus with a camel? Nothing, inter-species breeding is impossible.

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if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. unless you only get one lemon, then it really hard to make a good glass..and for that matter, who said you had a juicer? it would be really hard to just squeeze the juice out of a lemon. on top of that, what kind of situation am I in that I would need lemonade? let's say if life gives you lemons, determine the best use of them based on need, local weather and economic status

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i saw a garbage truck it had garbage in it

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Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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Situation. A man trying to find meaning in his life. Question. Why are desieses not colorful, and tasty. Answer. Adolf Hitler and his ice cream songs that he sings on sunday mornings during brunches.

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What did the young girl with leukemia say to a stranger? I am afraid

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I like jokes.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head are trapped on a desert island together After many days without food, they resort to cannibalism. The blonde eats the brunette, and the red-head eats the blonde. The red-head eventually dies once the water supply runs out.

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Why did Susie fall off the song? She had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Susie

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I was going to write a joke about how I have alzheimers but than I forgot it

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crips r blue bloodz r red choose crips nd thn ur dead (bloodz swoopp)

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You know what the best part about sleeping pills is? No, what is it? Zzzzzzzzzzz

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your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding cancer on your back

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Character one: What did the blond say to the horse? Character two: you spelled blonde wrong.

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Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Dave Dave who? Dave's crying because his grandmother has alltimers and now can't remember his name

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Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because Santa doesn't exist.

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Knock knock! "It's unlocked"

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Dying of terminal cancer.

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A black guy walks up to a drug dealer. He asked the drug dealer for directions and went on with his life.

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Q: Whats worse then being murdered? A: Nothing

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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