Twitter: @TotalJokes: "So it's been 11 years since the planes hit the world trade centre, time really does fly by."

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Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

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Why do cats have nine lives? Because they don't have ten.

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Why did the black man go to portugal? Because he was very hard working and needed a vacation.

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"Why did Jim Jones put cyanide in the People's Temple Flavor Aid?" Because he understood that adding sugar would be bad for their teeth.

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rock-a-bye baby on the treetop When the wind blows The bass will drop!

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You are the most beautiful person in the world.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Micheal Jackson molests little boys.

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How do you kill a blonde? Kick her off a cliff.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Police. She told me she was nineteen.

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Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint.

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Q. Why did Sarah fall off of the swing? A. She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sarah!

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ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

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A Black Guy, A Rabbi, And A Mexican walk into a bar, the bartender looks up and says "Get Outta Here We're Closed!"

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What starts with the letter P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn

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There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

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A Priest and a Rabbi find a very young lost child. They both agree that their religions obligate them to find the child shelter.

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A grammatically correct mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms." The mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungus."

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Next Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Sexual assault.

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One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

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Q: Why did Steve fall out of the tree A: He was raking the leaves

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How did the chewy cross the road ? it was stuck to the chickens foot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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