Why did the indian man take the peanuts out of his lunch? Because he's allergic.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

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Yes, it's for the patiënt in the other room.

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What's the best joke of all? YOUR SOCIAL LIFE!!!!!!!

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam...

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why is everyone always picking on ruth? because they just do

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's DEAD!

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Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?".

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Beacuse she has no arms or legs. Knock knock. Who's There? Not Sally.

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Why did Bob fall off the swing? Because Bob's a fish.

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Why can't Tommy ride his bicycle? Because Tommys' bike has a missing pedal.

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In Soviet Russia you drive car, because a car driving you would be screwed up.

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A Man Gets Cancer He eventually Loses all his hair and drops dead

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A blond, teen girl with a pink hat and glasses goes to the doctor, and she says, "Doctor, doctor! I keep hearing bees, whislting, humming birds, and Tom Jones! Whats happening to me?!" The doctor says, "Tinnitus".

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What happened when Aladdin rubbed his lamp? It got slightly cleaner.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.....

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A priest was walking home from church one day when he found a young boy crouching naked in the bushes. The priest contacted local law enforcement authorities on his cell phone and proceeded home once they arrived.

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Son: Dad what does it mean to f***? Dad: Jimmy! don't use that kind of language.. use the word chainsaw instead. Son: Ok, well what does it mean to chainsaw? Dad: Well as you know, God created people, he started with Adam and eve and then he- Son: You keep referring to god as a he, are you suggesting that God has a penis? I guess that would explain the big bang theory... right? get it? Dad: ... Go chainsaw yourself, Jimmy.

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What do you call a black man with a gun? Officer.

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Whats worse then dieing and going to hell? Waking up and going to school.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dieing in a hole.

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mom:why oh why are you such an idiotic nuisance? bobby:THATS HOW YOU WANTED ME BORN!!REMEMBER?you asked the doctor to put something in me to make me so stupid i wouldnt remember WHO gave birth to me!!

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A drunk guy walks into a car

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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