What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? I'm sleeping with your wife

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What did the white man say to the black man? Hello

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One time there was a man walking down the street. Wrong, it is physically impossible to walk down a street, you can only walk along it.

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asparagus

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How do you make a little girl cry twice? You finish on her teddy bear.

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Wanna hear a joke? No.

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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Why did the mother get upset with her son? Because he sexually experimented with his cousin.

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Q: What do you do when your friend tells you he murdered someone? A: Call the police.

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What do a bench and a mexican have in common? (don't worry it's not racist) You'll find both in a park. (I lied)

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Q - Why did the boy die? A - He had AIDS because his father raped him.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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A cat fell out of a really tall tree. It didn't land on its feet.

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42

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What did the homeless black guy write on his sign? need money for weed.

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An Irishman walks into a bar and orders a Coke.

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Yeah? You like that? Its like art for some.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? The light was green.

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i came... i saw... -myself when i came.

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So a guy says to his dog "hey man when you piss in the toilet can you please flush, just because I don't like to look at your pee." then the dog sits back and says "...woof !!"

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what did the man see in the mirror? Nothing, he was blind.

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What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? The Holocaust

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im typkiking wifrh myv troes. Sorry, i was typing with my toes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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