Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A Frenchman an Italian and an American were setting in a bar drinking and talking. The Frenchman said he made love to his wife five times last night. She said if I died she would never get married again. The Italian said said he made love to his wife ten times last night and that she said if he ever died she would kill her self. They asked the American how many times he made love to his wife last night. He said I'm a widower. She died in the 9/11 attacks.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter, he's not coming

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A: What did the orphan get for christmas? Q: Nothing she doesn't have any parents

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why was the boy sad. his father is an alcoholic that beats him daily.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

One kid says I've had threw bottles of water and I haven't had to go to the bathroom. His friend says may have a urinary tract infection.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk, "do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the same duck walks back into the store, and asks the clerk if they have any grapes. The clerk, slightly annoyed, says no again, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks back in and asks again if they have any grapes. The pissed off clerk says, "No, and if you ask again i'm gonna nail your feet to the floor. The duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks back into the store, and this time he asks the clerk, "do you have any nails?" The clerk says, "Yes." The Duck leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was the man thought to be peculiar? Because he had sex with a pistachio.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why is facebook ruining all of the world's social skills? Because Mark Zuckerberg has Asperger's.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

thumb_up thumb_down -21

why do women wear perfume and make-up? 'cause they're ugly and smell bad

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the blue man say to the red lady? Do you want to make purple? -A.M.M

thumb_up thumb_down -39

roses are blue violets are red... i have to use the bathroom

thumb_up thumb_down +16

in superbad, why couldnt seth take off mclovin's face and wear it as his own? no one can. theyre fictional characters in a movie

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worst then finding a worm in your apple Eating it.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

a blonde does something stupid. she dies. its funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the dog say to the cat? Nothing, dogs can't speak English.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Three men are in prison and comparing crimes. The first says that he got three years and he never robbed that store. The second says he served six years and he never hit that lady. The third said he got life, and he killed every child in that orphanage.

thumb_up thumb_down +181

what do you call a animal with 3 horns. a triceratops

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She didn't have arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? Nothing. They're both capable of supporting a family of three.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why is my phone broken i dropped it

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops