two penguins are sitting in a bath tub. one penguin says, "hey, can you hand me the soap?" the other penguin says, "what do i look like, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Who is yellow and cant drive straight. A man dying of lukemia

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was Reed sad? His mother has a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why do people hate Jews? Because there is nothing to like about them

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What does a bird and a human have in common? They both use long, hard sticks.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do Grant and Lee have in common? They're both black males

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your mum is dead, Just fucking with you! Kelvin Yang.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock Knock. Who's there? Scott Scott who? Scott Henderson. Oh my god Scotty! I haven't seen you since highschool, please come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite. He died the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q. What is a deaf man's favorite song? A. Nothing, because he can not hear.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? The extinction of the human species.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man came home from work and said to his wife im going to kill u

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey Johnny what's after 2?? 3.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Which disney princess always stays old? Snow White

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the hobo break both of his arms? He didn't like them.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Rich merchant started build a new bigger home for his family. He bought good blueprints and hired some construction workers to build it up. It took 2 years for the house to finish. Just few days before moving in, he had an horrible nightmare where little green men set the house on fire. When he woke up, he heard the bad news. House was burned down during the night. Merchant was shocked and sad. After couple of weeks, he decided to build a new house. This time a smaller one. Again he bought blueprints and hired people to work for him. Almost a year later, the house was starting to be finished. And again he saw that nightmare of little green men burning the house down. At morning he already knew the news and started to investigate these happenings. Local police officer couldn't help him and so didn't anyone else he asked. Merchant decided to try once more to build new home. This time he had money only for a small farmhouse. Building it up last 6 months, and almost every night merchant was guarding the construction site for little green men. Farmhouse finished in time and merchant moved in. In couple weeks he started to relax and think that little green men stopped harassing him. At one night, couple of months after moving in. Merchant saw the nightmare again, and woke up in burning house. He escaped from the window and saved his wife and children. Then he ran to the village to call for help. The next morning, merchant was sitting next to his burned home and just thinking the motives for green men, what did he do in past so that green men were angry at him? Some villagers had come to watch the burned house and merchant saw something green in middle of the crowd. He slowly walked towards the crowd and saw this little man fleeing. He started to pursue this man and was pumped with adrealine. Didn't last long when merchant catched this little guy and held him in the ground to ask "Who are you? Do you have anything to do with those housefires?" The little green man was calm and relaxed as he answered "No."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Have you seen Hellen Keller's treehouse? No. It's quite nice, her father made it himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Hitler: A jew walked into a bar... jokes, it was a gas chamber

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

"So, how's life in North Korea?" "Well, I can't complain."

thumb_up thumb_down +57

why did the chicken cross the road? he was an escaped mental paitent

thumb_up thumb_down -1

So a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order some wine and have an enjoyable evening.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the priest kill his family? Preists can't marry, therefore have not families.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops