- Anti Joke

Your mother is such a whore that she has consensual sex with a lot of people...

Q: Why didn't the mexican get into the bathtub? A: He was already clean

How do you break your fan in the summer You dont its hot and you need it

Whay is jerry so bad at parallel parking? He just got a sex change yesterday.

Wats do you get when you combine a vampire and a ginger? Idk, who would pull that disgusting shit

You should really respect vegetables more. They rock. They're all like... AAAHH!!!... and I'm all like... DUDE! THAT'S SO INCREDIBLY RANDOM!... and seriously, you should respect da veggies!

Q: What did the banana say as it was being eaten? A: Nothing. Bananas are inanimate objects and therefore are incapable of talking.

A very rich man had a daughter whom all of the men in town wanted to marry her for wealth. Except there was one man who wanted to marry her due to his love for her. The father let his daughter marry whomever she wanted from all of the men in town, and she chose a man named Wilson Fremblington who wanted to marry her for wealth, because he was physically fit and overall a friendly man.

roses are red violets are blue we're having sex cause i'm stronger than you

what do a dog and tree have in common? nobody cares when they die

What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Sex

Why did the the black man die? Because he had an incurable disease.

There are no stupid Questions just stupid people

Why was the Jimmy Sad? Because he had Autism.

Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. But Jack still couldn't out run that bullet.

When life hands you melons it means you're dyslexic.

Why did the chicken cross the road? This website is terrible. Are you servers from 1990? I hope you all get cancer.

Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

What did the little boy ask for for Christmas? A new brain, as he has a malignant tumor, he died.

There are 500 bricks on an airplane. If you drop one out, how many are left? 499. There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they? Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge. There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they? Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge. The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that? The deer is in the fridge. A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it? She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party. She dies anyways. Why? She gets hit in the head with a brick.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNET! WELCOME TO FÅG! DIE X-FÅGGOT! XD Okay Fagneto`s roll me out of here, I am done with the super important last message to uh... You? No wait that sounds wrong, stop laughing you korean piece of... Seriously sorry I am drugged, you guys put enough valium in me to kill a cow, so please roll me out... I used to have a lot of korean friend you know, but then I killed them for being korea... seriously my fingers magically type shit when I am done, please roll me out of here, and fill that... Kundalini express? Is it me or did this get even more fagneto... Get me out of here now now now no

why was the cat black it was a black cat

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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