How many squirrels does it take to change a lightbulb? 42.

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Patient: I thonk I'm gonna die Doctor: well will ya hurry up and die already? I've got to treat a kid with a paper cut.

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What do you get if your mailman drops your letter in black paint? Blackmail

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what did the red rock say to the blue rock? Nothing. Rocks can't talk.

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There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he swallowed his shoe. But it turns out his dream was real, and he died because he could not digest a whole shoe.

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why did the girl have pink hair? because she died it purple, but it didn't work.

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What did the grape do after it was stepped on? Nothing, as it was incapacitated, and even under normal circumstances, it would be incapable of performing any voluntary actions as it is only a grape.

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What is brown and sticky? A lot of things are brown and sticky

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

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How do you know a dude is dead? He doesn't breath, he has no color in the face and his heart has stoped.

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Roses are der, Violets are lube, I am dyslexic.

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Your moma's so fat, she's got type 2 diabetes

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I went to the doctor and explained to him, "My penis fell off." The doctor gives me an odd look, and then chops his off to make me feel better.

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Looks through the peephole.

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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Why is one side of a geese formation heading south always longer than the other? It has more geese

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I'm so hungry I could eat a well prepared meal!

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How do you beat Andy Murry at tennis? KILL HIM!

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a seal walks into a bar. replace "bar" with "club". and replace "walks into" with "gets bludgeon by."

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Boy: Is your body from McDonalds ? Girl: Aww is it because your lovin' it? Boy: No, it's because your greasy and fat!

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Knock knock Who's there? Bill Oh hai come in

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What do you call an attractive woman in a blender? A very rare occurrence.

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What did the old Hispanic man say to the young black woman in the Laundromat? I don't know cause I goofed in school and didn't pay attention in spanish class.

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A man says hello to his best friend in the morning like he always does. Why did his best friend not reply? The mans best friend is not real and is actually a figment of the mans imagination because he has been suffering from a severe case of schizophrenia his whole life and has many imaginary friends.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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