Q: How do Hellen Keller's parents punish her? A: They give her a timeout

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What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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So there is a blind man... and he walks past a fish market and takes a deep breath and says"Oh boy it sure does smell like fish out here".

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Dude: Hey want to hear a joke? Other dude: What is it? Dude: Joke. Other dude: What? Dude: I don't know. That was a joke ladies an gentleman.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Whatever his parents named him

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Why did Bob fall off a cliff? He had an epileptic episode.

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Autism speaks but not really

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Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Yes.

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Why did the little boy drop his lollipop? He got hit by a car.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Did you know there is a whole country occupied with twins? It's called China

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What did the boy with no legs and no arms get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Q. What is green and has wheels? A. Grass, I was joking about the wheels.

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I enjoy the fact that the jokes I post that do not make me laugh, are the ones that get zero thumbs, while those that at least make me smile, get at least a couple, I admit thought that its hard to keep track with me, I type jokes so fast that they disappear in the back before people can thumb them... Have you heard... Of the dog that was barking up the wrong three? The three said: Damn dog! I am not a tree! The dog kept barking, as dogs do not speak. Moral: Numbers speak fluently in most languages though...

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What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

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Your mother is so dumb, that she had a very poor ACT composite score.

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-Why was little Johnny sad? >Why? -Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

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How do you make a little boy cry? Slap the cookie out of his hand.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? why? Womens rights

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What do Chinese kids have that African kids dont? Chinese citizenship and at least one Chinese parent.

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what did one toilet say to the other toilet? i would love to flush u

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? Can you speak up? I cant hear you!

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why did the chicken cross the road? because the chicken had enough of life and wanted to commit suicide due to recent tragic events such as his cheating wife, his druggie son, his prostitute daughter, losing his home, and getting fired

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Jimmy has nine bags of sugar. He eats nine bags of sugar. What doeshe have now? Diabetes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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