Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Joe goes to the bathroom with someone in the next stall named Bill Bill: "Hi" Joe: "Hi" Bill: "How you doing" Joe: "Good" Bill: "You traveling" Joe: "Yes to Alabama" Bill: "Yeah, I got to go a guy in the next stall answering all my questions bye"

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why doesn't Gary like me? Because I killed his family and fed them to him.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

you want to hear a joke? sure... too bad

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A Jew and a German walk in a bar. they've accepted their peoples past and learned to move on with their lives

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What do you call a group of white guys playing basketball in Philadelphia? Actually, that already seems like a pretty good summary of the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A guy comes to a doctor and says: - Doctor, lately I'm having this dream where I kill my father and rape my mother. What does it mean? - Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

24!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A woman walks into a bar. She gets hit on by every guy in the bar. After hours of being hit on she finally has enough and asks the guys to stop. The guys Say "ok im sorry". She leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

what did the turkey say on thanks giving? Nothing, he's dead, we ate him!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a wild dog on the other side, so he crossed the road to avoid potential danger.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What did Don King do with his new boxers? Put them on with a respectable pair of trousers.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I hate it when sentences don't end the way you expect them potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What happened to the adventurer ? He took an arrow to the knee and became a guard.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a successful black man who has it all? A hip hop artist.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

who likes it up the anus? jason frisone at saybrook ave 08094 williamstown new jersey thats who

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whats the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-14 and he was unaccompanied by a mature adult.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Barrack Obama shops at Baby Gap

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it matter?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why couldn't Mike answer the phone on time? On his way to the phone he was shot and killed.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops