I like pom

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How do you stop a bus? Throw small children in front of it. Except it didn't work for the boy with ice cream.

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When life gives you lemons... wait that wont happen

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hey what are you eating there? a giant scorpion that tried to rape me.

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A guy is walking on the beach one day when he stubs his toe on something shiny. Digging in the sand he finds an old, tarnished lamp. He takes it home and liberally applies polish, then puts it on his mantlepiece, it completes the look he was going for in his room and he feels like all his wishes have come true. His wife dies in a car accident later that day.

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What can't taste with a toung, and it's soul never dies? A shoe

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? She's dead.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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press a,s,d,f,g,h,j,k,l feel like a pianist

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, WTF is this, i gotta take a piss.

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Why do dogs lick their balls? Why? Because they can.

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What's big, red and eats rocks? A big, red Rock-Eater

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What's the cure to Ebola? Suicide

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what do you call a cow with no legs? ground BEEF!!!!

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Why did the man drink the milk? Because he was a baby.

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How do you pleasure your grandmother? Ask your brother

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How do you upset a builder? Kill all his family.

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Two Japanese men walked out of a bar. They drowned.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had sinned.

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why was the boy mad at school? something probably upset him.

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If we all evolved from apes. Abbie didnt go that far

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Q: Why did the Klansman go up to acclaimed rapper and television star, Flavor Flav, and say "Do you know what time it is, boy?" A: Because his trademark "bling" seems to be an actual functioning time piece. Q2: Why did that same Klansmen brutally murder Flavor Flav after he learned it was 5:46 in the pm? A2: Becasue Flavor Flav is black and that's kinda what you're expected to do in the Klan...

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What is the best part about football The scoring

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asparagus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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