How do you stop an alcoholic from drinking ? You leave him in the desert for 4 days, eventually he'll die from dehydration .

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it was hit by a bus.

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Yeah? You like that? Its like art for some.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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im a straight dude and all the gay dudes at school make fun of me oh wait i wrote that backwards

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs being pulled behind a boat? A: Skip.

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What is worse then dropping the soap? Not being able to pick it back up.

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then he sits down to enjoy his evening.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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Q. What is worse than having 100 dead babies nailed to a tree? A. Having 100 dead trees nailed to a baby.

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Why was the boy praying? Because both of his parents had just been brutally murdered in front of him and he was analy defiled by the assailant and left alive to have live with the pain of seeing both of his parents be killed. He had also dropped his lollipop.

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What did the doctor say when he lost his glasses? Where are my glasses?

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How many fools does it take to change a light bulb? A lot.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Diarrhea

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I have a good knock knock joke: You start it.

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Q: What did Santa give the little boy for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's not real

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girl: Daddie, what's at the end of a rainbow? Dad: No sweetie, a rainbow is acually just an illusion constructed by the refraction of light white as it passes through a water particle in the stratophere. Acting as a prisom the particle will seperate the different components of light, ordering them by the rank of the light energy and the intencity of it's frequency and wavelength.

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Why did the blonde put tip-ex on the computer screen? To spite her physically abusive husband

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Did you hear the one about the kid that farted in class? Cool.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my name is dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave.

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Why can't Kevin run with scissors? Because he killed himself.

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how do you fit 20 babies into a bucket? you put them into a blender. how do you get them out? chips.

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That awkward moment when the moment isn't awkward.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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