Humpdy dumpty sat on a wall and enjoyed his day off

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jewish people aren't edible.

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If you're doing a maths test, what type of pickles are best when licking a baseball bat? Sasquatch

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your mamas so fat her weight is 3.14 without the decimal

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So a man walks into a bar, he meets a few friends, has a few beers, and at the end of the night he calls a cab to drive him home

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how to you kill a black man. with a weapon.

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JEWS

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What's chris benoit doing? Just hangin in the gym

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Q.What do you call a apple with a unibrow? A. A failed science experiment!!!

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What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common? They were both great singers.

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Anti-joke.

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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Why did Sally fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Gestapo.

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What did the mute say to his friend? Nothing.

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what did the little girl with no arms or legs get for her birthday? a bike.

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What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangeroo??? ... A sheep cannot be crossed with a kangaroo because the genes from sheep cannot work with genes from a kangaroo to produce hybrid sheegaroos or kangareeps.

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Facebook...

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I watched the news yesterday and they were talking about the conflict in Libya. I changed the channel.....

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What's worse than standing in line at Walmart? Being raped. What's worse than paying an outrageous amount for whatever it is you bought at Walmart? Being pregnant with a rape baby.

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike?.. She was 4 and hadn't learned how to ride a bike yet... Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?.. It was stapled to the first monkey... Why was Suzie angry?.. Her parents had only found one bike at the marketplace... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?.. It thought it was a game... Why did the fridge fall out of the tree?.. It had no arms... Lucy fall off her bike?.. She was crushed by 3 monkeys and a fridge... There's 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left?.. 499 bricks... How do you get an elephant into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... How do you get a deer into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... The lion is celebrating his birthday and, being the king of the jungle, all the other animals were in attendance except for one... Why?.. The deer was in the fridge... Little Mia is looking for Lucy and comes across an alligator-infested river... How does she cross it?... She swam... The alligators are at the lion's party... She died anyways, though... What happened?.. A brick fell on her head... Why did Suzie fall off the swing?.. She was trampled by the elephant, who was in a hurry to get to the lion's party in time... Why did the ethologist couple commit suicide?.. Their 3 daughters there killed by a brick, an elephant and 3 dead monkeys followed by a fridge... Note: yeah not 100% original, i mixed some already existing jokes together... works better if you don't tell them all at once but sprinkle them in with lots of other unrelated jokes...

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Justin Bieber walks into a bar. <>

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What is funny about 9/11. Nothing, it was a tragic day for the world.

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There are two muffins in an oven. One says nothing. Muffins can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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