Q: How do you make a plumber cry? A: Kill his family.

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There once was a squirrel. He lost his nuts.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said 'No'. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever. He said 'no'. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, Once again, he replied 'no'. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.. 'Asking emotionally charged hypothetical questions that are completely irrelevant to the prior conversation is known as fishing for compliments. Except, your tears seem to reflect a more serious inner emotional neediness. I suggest you seek a psychologist.'

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Why was there two girls at the movie? They wanted to see the movie together.

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Oh. So his name's Brandon.

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What is the funny thing about suicide? nothing...

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 1027

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What do a ginger kid get for christmas ? it dusen't matter... gingers don't have souls.

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"Hell nahhh I called shotgun" -Rosa Parks

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Why doesnt the ladder work? A ladder is an inaminent object therefore imcapable of having a job.

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A Chinese man walked into a bar. He now has a minor concussion.

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Why did i drink 4 sodas? Because i was thirsty

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Hi.

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A sprayed behind is a clean BEHIND!

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roses are red violets are blue shut the fuck up or ill fuck you

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What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

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Why did Billy want cancer? So he could be like his parents.

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Two fish were in a tank one said...."ill drive!"

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how do you fall off a building? you trip.

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Tom Petty walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you are visibly intoxicated. We cannot sell you liquor." The bar explodes because someone said no to Tom Petty.

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How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

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Roses are red Violets are blue So is your face Cuz I just gagged you

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whats worse than stubbing your toe? getting a vanarial disease and going insane

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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