What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is brown and sticky? Poop

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why didn't the boy buy his mom a gift for Christmas? He was killed by a drunk driver two years ago

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did Patrick cross the road Because he saw a rock

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Ask me if I'm a giraffe Are you a giraffe? Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q. Why did the rooster switch on the TV? A. Just for some hentertainment!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What has wings, is bald, and can't fly? A bald eagle. I lied about the part where it can't fly.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you drown a blonde? You hold her head underwater for a long time.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked Jill if she wanna. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and had a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Your mother is so fat that I'm starting to worry about her health.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Botanically speaking, cheese can't fry bagels.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN's ON FIRE!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What is the Pope's favourite dish to order from the local Indian take-away? Korma.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you get a clown off a swing? You hit him with an axe How can you release your anger at somebody? Kill them How do you stop a bus? Throw small children at it

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's worse than your family dying in a fire? Nothing, that really sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her what her name is

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A sprayed behind is a clean BEHIND!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the white man cry? Because his mistress, Shanghai, was threatening to tell his wife that they were in a relationship and, out of anger, he bashed Shanghai's head in and she is dead,

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the Asian women crossing 8 lanes of traffic with no blinker? Poor chink had a seizure.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red, Violets aren't blue, They're fucking violet, And I hate you.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Do you know whats not funny black jokes that arent racist. You belendo!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats the difference between a car and a dead child? I don't have a dead baby in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops