I've got a shotgun with two bullets. I've got two enemies. What do I do with the gun? Go bird hunting.

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yo mama's so fat, we are all extremely concerned about her health

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ask me if i'm a tree. are you a tree? no

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Samantha ate 62 cookies. Then she ate 300 more. How many did she eat after that? None she didn't for the next 6 years after developing an eating disorder.

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Why did John fall off the tree? We were throwing rocks at him.

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Q. What's better than a breadmaker? A. A sandwhich.

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What did Justin Bieber say when he felt funny? Wheres my tampon

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there were 2 sausages in a frying pan. One sausage says it sure is hot in here. The other one says WTF a talking sausage!

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, Run Quick, Before I eat you and die of obesity due to high blood pressure and bad heart disease!!!

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What do you call 10 dead babies in a blender? A horrible, horrible child abuse incident.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? Because it was holding hands with the monkey. Why were the monkey and the sloth holding hands? Because they were best friends.

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You are driving a bus. At the first stop, 12 people get on and 7 get off At the second stop, 13 people get on and 11 get off At the third stop, 7 people get off the bus. You turn the bus off get out and go home.

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What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

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Why did the seal get confused when a spider tried to high five him? Because spiders have eight legs.

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What can Harry Potter NOT see with his glasses? His parents...alive.

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How do you make a teacher cry? Shit in their water bottle.

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i'm on the sea food diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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How many wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. They prefer digging burrows for hibernation.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Your mother is so fat that I'm starting to worry about her health.

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what did one mexican say to the other Hi.

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viki has 10 penises around her she eats 8 of them what does viki have? viki has AIDS

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Chuck Norris will die sometime in the future.

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an amosh person used an electrical appliance

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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