Whats lemon scented and you shouldn't drink? Bleach

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What do you call a black guy and a mexican guy walking into a bar, A couple of multicultural friends grabbin' a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Waiter, waiter! There is a fly in my soup. Sorry about that sir, we will replace your order and make your meal complementary.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

The lemons on the tree are ripe. They will be picked.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What did the deaf guy say to the other deaf guy? What?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why was the baby upset? Because it accidentally killed its twin brother by pushing it off the bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Popsicle!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why do I know Vin Diesel is gay? Because I sucked his dick

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call a lawyer who came from the ghetto? Someone who did quite well for themselves despite coming from a tough area.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Black Veil Brides.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

why is 4 afraid of 5? Because Monkey's eat purple pineapples

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why was the boy sad? Because he wasn't happy!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the squirrel say to the owl? Nothing, because owls and squirrels don't talk, but the owl ate the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

And now, A cow pretending to be a man: Jeff: Alan, are you a cow? Alan: What?! No! Cow: Yah me neither you guys want to go skatebords? *Awkward*

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Christopher Walken to a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Waseem is not a funny guy!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 1

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why are cemetaries gated? Typically, to prevent vandalism and the emotional trama it inflicts on the deceaseds' families.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a woman. Why couldn't hellen Keller have fun at the zoo? She was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Your social life

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Goofy sold Pluto into slavery in exchange for the power of human speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops