What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had completed its task on the aforementioned other side and was returning back to the coop for a feeding now that the sun had set.

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CISSY: TIMMY! COME AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK THIS INSTANT TIM: ....................../´¯/) ....................,/¯../ .................../..../ ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸ ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\ ........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...') .........\.................'...../ ..........''...\.......... _.·´ ............\..............( ..............\.............\... *CISSY SMACKS TIMMY AND SENDS HIM TO HIS ROOM WITHOUT DINNER.

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How many armless people does it take to change a lightbulb? I dunno, that's why I asked you... Hello?

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A black man walks into a bar in Alabama, he then proceeds to have a couple of drinks and leaves.

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Why was the man hit by the car? Hellen Keller was driving.

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a dumb blond walks into a hair salon and gets her hair died brown... she is now a dumb brunette

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jack and jill climbed up the hill but they were bagels

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There were once three bears who lived in a cottage in the forest. They left to go to the market one day. While they were gone a blonde girl walked into their cabin. Meanwhile at the market, everyone was freaking out that there were bears there.

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Boys go to college to get more knowledge, girls go to Jupiter... Actually I lied, girls go to the kitchen

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What's red and weighs a metric ton? An apple, my scale wasn't calibrated

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Why was the black kid at school? Because he wanted to receive an education.

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What did the plane say to the ground when they hit each other Boom

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A seal walks into a club.

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roses are red, violets are red, a girl had her period in my garden.

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Whats the biggest party fowl? Murder

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Why does no one like fat people? Because of Jesse Ziegenbein

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How many babies does it take to paint a fence? depends on how hard you throw them.

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What are the similarites between Autistic people and dead people? They are both very poor in social situations

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What's the difference between tiger woods and Santa clause? Tiger woods is a thug

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What's black and white and red all over? A domestically abused bi-racial woman.

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A deaf man is listening to the radio. Think about it.

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Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Guess no ones home.

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying at your doorstep? Matt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops