Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

what did the cat say to the potato? meow

A black guy, a mexican, and an arab are all in the same car, Whos driving the car? The black guy because he politely offered and his friends were happy to ride with him.

What's worse than finding a hair in lasagna? An earthworm crawling into your ear and feeding on your intestines.

So yesterday i walked into a bar, so what?

What do you get when you stab a baby? A dead baby.

What was Hellen Keller's favorite color? Velcro.

Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

A nun, a jew, and a black walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Crossing Guard union had reached a collective agreement and they had returned to work and it was safe to cross once again.

What did the tractor say to the farmer? Nothing, tractors don't talk

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

Unfortually last night Andrew McNeil was studying soo hard that his head exploded and the next day at school, his friends found out and then cheered with laughter and happieness.

A man wakes up after only one hour of sleep due to his insomnia. He starts to cry because his wife just passed away and his parents were recently killed in a car accident. The man gathers his composure, takes a shower, and drives to his minimum wage job. He was expelled from high school for an assault he didnt even commit and has no money to get an education. At work, he accidentally drops a box of valuable, fragile electronic parts and gets fired by his boss. He goes home to his dirty 1 bedroom apartment and contemplates suicide. He decides to wait as his favorite tv show is on. He turns on the tv to the news his show has been cancelled. The man, depressed, suicidal and alone, picks up his .22 and kills himself. There is no God.

What time is it Mr.Wolf? About half 5. Alright, thanks mate. How's the kids? Managing. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy world. Anyway, Got to be going. Yeah yeah. Say hi to the wife for me. Will do. Alright, Bye. See you later.

Why was the blackman fired from his job? Beacuse he was late too many times which was unacceptable.

Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

Want to hear a clean joke? Soap.

How did the blonde trip the brunette? She stuck out her foot

why did the grandmother forget her grandsons name? she has Alzheimers so she is slowly forgetting all her relatives

What did the depressed teenage fat kid do to resolve his issues? Commited suicide.

What did the pirate say to the ninja? I have aids.

Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? A: Because he had bladder control problems and feared he may ruin the first pair.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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