Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Knock Knock. Whose there? The IRS. All your base are belong to us.

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Whats black and blue and red all over? A housewife that was recently abused by her alcoholic wife. (from will c. and jack f.)

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whats worse than a 6 dead babies in a dumpster? You were babysitting them.

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What's funny about your mom? Nothing, she died three weeks ago.

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whats worse then getting sat on by a hippo getting sat on by Matt Ross

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

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There are two jews in an oven. One says "It sure is hot in here" and the other says "AHH A TALKING JEW"

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Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

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Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting thrown in to a car and raped violently.

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Two guys walk into a bar. They are knocked out and rushe to hospital because the bar was metal.

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If you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, get tested. Immediately.

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Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

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What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? He pulls over and replaces it.

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A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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What did the slutty blonde get her boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Nothing because she had died of AIDS months ago.

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What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

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why was the boy mad? He had a lot of homework that evening

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Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

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Why was the African American man afraid of dogs? He had a terrible childhood memory of being violently dry humped by a german shepherd.

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Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

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Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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