roses are red lemons are sour open your legs and give me an hour

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When the poop hits the fan and you walk in with your pants around your ankles, it's a bad sign!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q) Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? A) Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I woke up this morning and ran five miles. I am proud of myself for engaging in such a healthy lifestyle.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's faster than a Nascar Racecar? My thoughts. -Juanita

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You are a prostitute. I have a dollar.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I'm a wise old man, so I'm aloud to touch you in the bathing suit area.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac that stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a dog?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

hey girl, My Gyarados is BIG enough for you to ride it ALL day and night

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why don't dinosaurs eat other dinosaurs? They're all dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

an old lady walked into a bar, used the bathroom and left. THE END

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why has 8 wheels and costs more than a Lamborghini? Two Lamborghinis.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

your mom is so fat that she had to start going to a gym to exercise and get her weight under control.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: None. Woodchucks do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grasp or throw anything, so the point is moot unless they evolve thumbs for the sole purpose of chucking wood.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A black guy walks into a bar with a dog. He is asked to leave because his dog is not on a lead.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why didn't the man go to the movies?? Because he likes pie.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I stepped into the bathroom and began to take a shower. Then, I panicked. I was so thirsty, and I did not take the advantage to drink some water before I stepped into the bathroom. But then I realized: "Wow, I am so silly. I am standing under the shower, so I could easily just expedite my washing and drying, exit the bathroom, get dressed, and grab something to drink from the kitchen!" Then I showered quickly and got something to drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did you call something that is long, hard and full of seamen? A ship.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the boy with no mom get for Christmas? He was beaten by his drunken and abusive father.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what is fun to eat but dumb when its alive? A dumb yummy candy

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Finding out that your girlfriend is really a drag queen and that that is why you have never had sex. -Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops