Q: what's worse than getting the flu? A: getting cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you make a dog drink? Put one in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man died in a sky-diving accident. What was the last thing that went through his mind before he died? His feet

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a bar. It leads to a fight that is enjoyable to watch.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Johnny has 32 cookies. He eats 28 of them. What does he have now? Diabetes, Johnny has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what has wheels and drives? a boat i lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man takes his girlfriend ice skating on a lake. As they are ice skating she says "we should go back home and fu..." At this point they fall through a thin spot on the ice and they both drown in the lake. Fish ate their dead bodies

thumb_up thumb_down +11

se* is like math add the couple minus the clothes add the cream and just hope they dont multiply

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the leaf fall of the tree? Because it was fall

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worse than finding a dead baby in a dumpster? Recognizing the baby as your missing child, and finding the corpse of your dead wife next to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green. A rainbow .

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the mute person tell the deaf person? Nothing. Even if sound could emit from his vocals the impaired of hearing person would still be unable to respond unless they have taken classes to read lips. The deaf person didn't take classes nor did the mute person learn sign language.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is white and flys at you from a tree? A refridgarator. I lied about the flying part.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between 50 dead babies and a three-course meal? One of them can feed me for a day and the other is a three-course meal.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why is sally sad her parents abuse her daily

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's brown and smells like paint? -Poop. I don't know why it smells like paint though..

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I met a hot girl in the Tampon aisle and i asked if she wanted to hang out in 5-7 days

thumb_up thumb_down +11

(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops