Two fuses wearing bombs for hats were sitting on a bench with their frayed feet dangling on the ground. A match was walking along and tripped, hitting it's head on the ground and bursting into flame. Luckily the fuses had finished lunch by that time and gone back to work. Unluckily for the match it died from burns to 80 percent of it's body.

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Why did Larry fall off his bike? He was hit in the head with a brick...

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If a blonde and a brunette fell off a cliff who would reach the ground first? The blonde because she was fatter.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Who, what, when, why, how, where, and which? Your Honor, i think my client would like to plead guilty.

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why did the squrill leave his home an ax-man cut it down

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What doesn't kill you leaves you in a coma.

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Why did Rihanna sing "to the left, to the left"? Because people usually sing in songs

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How many Babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them

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Roses are red, violets are blue. i have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

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A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

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Why did the man walk into the wall? He was blind.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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A guy wanted to write a joke. He didn't.

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What's the difference between an iPhone and a Samsung Galaxy? Google it, there are many differences.

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So I have an idea that will solve both world population and hunger problems! I call it the Omni-Abortion law. The idea is that all babies must be aborted and then eaten. Progressive, right?

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Why couldn't jack join the football team? Jack has down syndrome

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A black man and a mexican man jump off the empire state building.Who wins? Nobody,suicide is a serious thing and it is depressing to think that the minorities In America would do such a thing to themselves.

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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What did God say when he made the first black person? I have just added a significant element of diversity to the human species. Intolerance between ethnicities will surely prove to be an obstacle in societal progression, creating hardships for many. I know this because I am God.

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Roses are grey Violettes are grey I am colour blind And I suck at rhymes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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