What do you say to a cat with a helmet on? Silly cat, you rhyme with hat but you shouldn't wear one.

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Q: What do you call a black person who got hit by a truck? A: Dead

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This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena and his Grandfather's lucky medallion and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What do you get when you cross a squirrel and a horse? Each animal has a different number of genetic faults therefore such a process would be impossible.

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whats white and sticky? a white stick

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Get up Look in the mirror

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Why couldn't the old man see the Moon? Because he was blind and it was daytime.

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Terry's penis oh wait! what penis But I'm not a rapper

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Why are Mexicans so good at jumping, swimming and running? They aren't. You're just racist.

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Your girlfriend.

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Why is a bird when it flies? Because the higher it goes the much.

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Did you know that... Billy had a heart attack, it was sad. Now you know!

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How do you stop a lumberjack? You thrust a javelin through his lungs

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What happened when the princess kissed a frog. Warts, all over her lips

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I believe you've seen enough of these already.

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What did Joe get for his first birthday? Nothing he died at birth

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Whats worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bee stings? Three bee stings. Whats worse than three bee stings? The holocaust. Whats worse then the holocaust? Four bee stings.

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What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

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What did the Firefighter say to his crew when they put out the fire.... - Let's go home.

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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If monkeys ate trees, than what would trees be made out of? No one knows because that will never happen.

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What did the asian kid do before he got a blood test? He studied.

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What did the homeless kid get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

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Joe Paterno walks into a bar...he should've walked into a police station and filed a report.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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