Hi im a joke i eat turtles

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Where would you find 10 dead babies buried next to each other? In a cemetary.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What came first? The chicken or the egg? The egg, because breakfast comes before dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man walks into a bar and orders 12 shots. "8?" Asks the bartender, to verify he had heard correctly. He feels unsure of giving the man 12 shots but does so anyways due to his financial situation and he hopes for a generous tip. Afterwards, the man kills 9 people in a car crash due to his level of intoxication and the bartender seeps into depression due to his feeling of guilt.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? A: The holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q; why did the German ask the Jew to go in his shower? A; because the Jew had stayed the night at the Germans house.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

joe galasso from plainview ny

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the difference between and orange? The horse wasn't wearing a saddle.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Your mother is so dumb, that she had a very poor ACT composite score.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you call a guy that ran over 10 children A bad driver

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Have you seen stevie wonders new piano? No Well it's really nice

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had two penises.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was dead. Why'd the other monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was stapled to the dead monkey!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What was funny about the Halocast? Nothing, thousands of innocent people died

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

If pro- is good or favored and con- is bad, then why do people favor the constitution and stay away from prostitution?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops