A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is the hottest day of the week? Wednesday

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than being raped? Being raped twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's brown and smells like shit? An oddly shaped birthmark on a dirty homeless man

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, That's what they tell me because I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a guy with an ax in his chest? An ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what did Stan say to Dave? nothing, Dave died 500 years before Stan was born, thus he said nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's green and has wheels? The White House. I lied about everything, I'm so sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A horse walks into a bar, prompting the show-jumping judges to subtract points for failing to clear the obstacle.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Click here to end the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

once, my brother took my lard and gave it to the less fortunet

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Reading re-posts of classic anti jokes posted by lonely teenagers.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks in to a bar, Has a drink, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't going to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red, Violets are blue if something smells bad, its gotta be you! Roses are red this much is true but violets are purple not f***ing blue!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's fatter than your mum? Your mum's mum

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the red apple say when it saw a black man an irish man, and an asian walk into a bar? nothing apples cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a man with cheese on his face? His name is David.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you get when you combine lemons, sugar and water? Lemons, sugar, and water

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He got hit in the head with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops