What did the retarded handicap say to the bully who called him the biggest retard in the world? "atleast I didn't make SOPA"

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I'm rubber and you're glue, neither one of us say anything because inanimate objects can't talk.

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What do you call a two headed platypus? Go ask him, I'm sure he has a name.

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A man and a bird are on the edge of a cliff. The man falls off and dies and the bird flies away because birds can fly and people can't.

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Your momma is so black that she probably has ancestors indigenous to Africa.

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Why did the family sue disney? Because at a meet and greet location mickey mouse shot their youngest in the heart.

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When life gives you lemons You've got some lemons.

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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a blind man walks down the street and trips on an unsuspecting curb he scraped his knee

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What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

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When life gives you lemons you make orange juice so people will say "How the hell did you do that?"

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Why did Paul let Johnny choke to death? Because Paul had no arms.

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Anti-jokes are funny.

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What do you get when you mix monster, coke, and and seltzer? Kicked out of stop and shop.

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a lady says, " i cant stand this." Th guy next to her had his legs blown off and will never be able to stand again.

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What's worse than being fired? Eating a bucket of diarrhea.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

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what did the unicorn say to the centaur? nothing because neither exist

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So, this cheerio is in love with a beautiful frosted cheerio. He asks her on a date. She says no, because she only dates other frosted cheerios. So the cheerio works really hard at his job and is promoted to a honey-nut cheerio. So he asks her out again. She says no because she only dates frosted cheerios. So he works even harder and is made a frosted cheerio. He asks her out again and she accepts. 4 months later after a relationship built on trust and understanding they are married and live a long and fullfilling life together.

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What has four legs and a tail? A table with a tail

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Nope, Chuck Testa.

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"Why is Barney purple and green?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way"

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why can't Michael Jackson bake a pie???? Because he's dead

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Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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