What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

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Yep, super duper stressed, all of the time, but how did you know?

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Sir, your wife is dead

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-Knock! Knock! -Who's there? -Bob. Is Brian's here? -Wrong adress. Brian's home is the first one at your right. -Oh sorry. Have a nice day.

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You: "Ask me if im an astronaut. " Them: "R u an astronaut?" You: "No. "

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're a whore

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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A gay man named pat played on a gay website with a child named Charlie

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Two guys walk into a bar, but the third guy is a duck.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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How do you know when an Asian has robbed your house? You have informed the police, who in turn searched the house for DNA evidence, eventually leading them to the criminal, who just so happened to be a troubled Asian teenager attempting to join a local gang.

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What do you call a purple apple? Bruised.

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took my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry

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Did you hear the one about the pizza and the salamander? Neither did I.

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Did you hear about the man hear about the man who lost an arm and a leg in a car accident? He's alright now.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown I should probably water My garden soon.

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Don't chop the dinosaur daddy! OK.

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why was the pen mad at the pencil? it wasnt. objects don't have feelings

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A Mexican man walks into a bar, the bartender asks "haven't you got a damaged liver?" The Mexican replies "haven't you got a job to do?" The Mexican died 2 seconds later

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "why the long face" and the horse says "my wife just died of skin cancer."

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(Pretend you're an orphan.) Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

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How do you earn a bunch of money all at once? Walk into Hot Topic and say "I have knives for sale!"

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How do you make a hobo cry? You steal his trash.

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Person1: Man I had the worst day ever. Person2: Worser than the holocaust.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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