roses are red violets are blue i smell meth abkfjbekfhbkfsdshjfbkhb

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell off. I hope he was wearing a personal flotation device.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why don't you hit a black guy riding a bike? Because that is dangerous and he could get hurt.

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ask me if i am a tree. no.

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Most adults can swim. Current government studies are investigating similar skills in babies. With unnecessarily large pools.

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What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? A life sentence in prison.

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How many cows does it take to screw in a light bulb? Either one super cow or none because cows don't even have apposable thumbs

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Q: Were yyoouu talking smack about me? A: what? Q: did i studder? A:yeah you said yyoouu Q: well were ya A: no Q: oh ok.. A: k bye..

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Knock knock Who's there? Barack obama

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A witch walks into a bar and orders a drink. She gets her drink and proceeds to have a great time.

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a white guy walks into a bar luckily he is not an alcoholic and knows when to safely stop drinking and already gave his keys to a friend.

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Ducks smell too dog like animal farms riverside Chinese tofu hat hairy and eat beanie.

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What do you call an awesome bucket? An epic pail.

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Why doesn't Lucinda have a penis? Because she's Mexican.

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What's funny? Nick Sotelo

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Why didn't the Mexican go to college? He was caught smuggling drugs over the border and was shot.

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Q: Why didnt jim win the race ? A: Because he swalowed his tounge.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ed. Ed who? Ed Begley Jr.

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this!" The doctor replies "That because there's a knife in your hand."

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What's worse than falling in the mud whilst wearing a suit? Burying your parents.

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why am I a hobo? because I lost my job.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill called the paramedics

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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