The Lord said to John: "Go forth and receive eternal life" But John went fifth... So he won a toaster

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the boy eat the chips? Because he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: What did the little jewish boy get for his birthday in 1940? A: The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Three men walk into a bar. One of them is not planning to consume alcohol because they are responsible and he is the designated driver.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the elderly lady cross the road? Because an atomic bomb was exploding behind her

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what do eagles and moles have in common? they both live underground except for the eagle!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo momma so ugly, she couldn't fulfill her dream of being a model.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Asian: what time is it? other person: time for you to open your eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What happened to the boy who stalked the pretty girl? His father raped him and he died in a house fire induced by his overwhelmingly sick love for the taliban

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's worse than being fat? Being gay

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Adam Chebali is awesome

thumb_up thumb_down -16

-Doctor! Scientists in California have enough proofs to demonstrate that the Christian religion is false. -Oh my God!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

snowglobe

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did the chicken cross the road? well... to get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo mama so old, she must take arthritus medicine to keep out of extreme pain.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Do not lose hope, you have always considered me hard to get, while this time, I came to you. Next time too, I kinda owe you.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A black man and a Mexican are in the back of a car, who's driving? Their father Micheal, he adopted both of them from a mentally handicapped orphanage when they were five.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why do showers have 11 holes? Because Jews only have 10 fingers

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A hooker walks into a bar. She orders a few drinks and leaves. She's a man.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I can prove I'm a psychic - this post is going to receive a lot of dislikes.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You dork, seriously, the comment where I mentioned that I am married is like 60000 comments PAGES behind. What? Now you ashamed of losing your, I mean I can say that I am your first right? That I am going to stick my MANFLESH into your CHERRY AND POP IT RIGHT? JUST TRYING TO BE SUBTLE HERE! Seriously though, Your name is really Tifa? And you look a FUCKING HELL A LOT Like Tifa From Final Fantasy... You know, except she has gigantic feet and no lips and you know...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

jeffrey: Do you know what happened on the 5th of november? gerald: No jeffrey: I cant remember

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops