My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Billy Idol walks into a New York City Bar. He snorts lines of coke with his comrades in the bathroom and continues his night by having sex with attractive underage females

thumb_up thumb_down -11

your mom is so fat, that your father is no longer attracted to her and it is tearing your family apart.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

roses are red, violets are blue... thats what they tell me because im blind

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q. What did the woman use for vaginal medication? A. Standard Strength Vagisil.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

So a guy walks into a bar.... he gets a few drinks pays his bill and goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

how do you know your sister is on her period? you dads dick taste like blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

No, but I am not just an author, the important thing is, that this kid has been stopped as we speak, as I said he was selling information to several clients on the deep web, and patterns do reveal that he was selling you out piece by piece while prepared to make a run for it once he delivered the vital details. Say, did you promote this guy a bit too fast or something? Either he knows as much as you do, or otherwise he has been learning the ins and outs of your little place pretty fast.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats pink, brown, and smells like a banana. monkey vomit?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what do you call a black man with a job? dont know, has never happened.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the police arrest the black man? He'd committed a crime, and was punished accordingly.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 actually because, despite the potentially graphic nature of the previews, the creators scaled down mature content so that it could reach a wider audience.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you do when life gives you lemons? You eat them.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you know when an Asian has robbed your house? You have informed the police, who in turn searched the house for DNA evidence, eventually leading them to the criminal, who just so happened to be a troubled Asian teenager attempting to join a local gang.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: how do you get an clown off a unicycle A:You hit it with a police baton

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats green, and says i'm a frog? A talking frog.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I fear I do, maybe someone fooled you, but that was originally one of my aliases.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Patient: Doctor, it hurts when I run, I might have arthritis. Doctor: Let me check.... 5 minutes later... Doctor: It turs out you have 3 bullets in your legs. Patient: Ohhh, I get it now.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's yellow and smells like cheese? Cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the man launch his rocket into the sun? He didn't. Overcoming the sun's orbital pull would require your rocket to travel ~7,400,000 mph, which is a velocity that is impossible for today's rockets to reach.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was six afraid of seven? Because six cheated on seven and slept with nine.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I wont say I got much money, but neither do I need it, just be honest to me, because if you lie, every advice I give you, could cost you or me everything, our lives, our families... Collateral damage is a term used very often and lightly ever since 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Rylan Clark

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams,heat does.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops