Hey i just raped you and this is crazy so delete my number and keep the baby

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the old person find on the internet? Porn.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How did the seal die? It went clubbing ... Then overdosed on ecstasy, it was very sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A: Knock Knock B: 7

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the blonde arrest the man? Because he brutally murdered his wife and children.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Sammy bought 48 donuts. He ate 36. What was Sammy left with? Diabetes. Sammy was left with diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How long does it take a person to steal a television? Many variables could determine said ability to successfully steal a television. Such variables depend on sub-variables such as weight of the television, whether the television is a store, an upper-class citizen's home, or in a "ghetto" apartment. A main variable could be the race of the thief in question. African Americans are scientifically more likely to steal a television faster compared to a Caucasian. Yet a downside to being an African American is the fact that they are more likely to be called in for questioning or arrested on the spot at their broken down home. Caucasians are less likely to be questioned and if caught will most likely obtain the proper amount of bribery money in which to pay off the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why does the girl continue to cry repetently everyday? Because she found out she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Q: How many elephants can fit inside a Volkswagen Beetle? A: Four.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Knock knock. I know who is there... What? No, I lied...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A black guy walks into a bar. He drinks some wine and exits the bar. -Lets Go Mets, not Yankees

thumb_up thumb_down -30

what do you call a fat black cat and a skinny white dog? Freckles and Spot

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Knock Knock Who's there? The police. Open up.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Your friend is so gay he has consensual sex with other men, and enjoys it.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I'm a Banker. A woman asked if I could check her balance... So I pushed her off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What would Walt Disney do if he were alive today? Gurgle and choke inside his cryogenic vault as liquid nitrogen flooded into his lungs.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Your mama so fat she often lays awake at night wondering if you father is happy with their sex life. He isn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

- Knock knock - Who's there - James - James who ? - James Redwood.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How hard is it to cross a man with a tree? Jesus only needed a few nails

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the donkey cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? Heehaw!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

twenty three roaches walk into a bar. the bar is evacuated due to insects.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops