How do you make a mime talk? Put a gun to his head.

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Funny joke to play on an elderly woman: Take her cane and push her In front of a bus.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What liquid is white and sticky and annoying to get on your hand? Glue.

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How do you stop a black man drowning? Take your foot off his head

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Knock knock Whos there You spelt who's incorrectly You spelt whos incorrectly who ...................

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How long does it take for a black woman to have a shit. 9 months.

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Why is god mean? Cause he doesn't like you.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Cancer.

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Wife: Does this make me look fat? Husband: Honey, your already fat.

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How many people with Alzheimer's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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Your mom is so ugly and stupid that people make fun of her and that's not nice.

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Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle

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A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

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What's the difference between a car tyre and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear. The others a fucking great year!!! San2

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Why is Easter better than christmas? Theres a significantly less chance of getting raped by a man in a Santa Claus costume.

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A cow walks down the stairs. Not really. They are incapable of walking down stairs. It actually died on the roof.

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why did the black man jump higher than the white man he was on a trampoline

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A man walks up to an attractive woman and asks "Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" The woman replies "No, it's hot in here. It is a record breaking 114 degrees outside, which means everybody is using their air conditioner. Due to the large amount of energy air condioners require, the power has gone out in this building and the air conditioner is not functional. The tempurature in the building is 103 degrees and three children are in the emergency room because of heat stroke."

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Hey

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Sometimes when I'm horny, I put vinegar on my diick

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What kind of ship never sinks? Not the Titanic.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

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How do you silence Justin Bieber? Hold his head under water until he stops struggling.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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