Mary had a little lamb, The nurse and midwife fainted. Because last year she met a ram, And they got too acquainted.

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Pretend you are in a box and there is no way out. How do you get out? You don't

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A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I have alzheimer's Hey I just met you Coopn8r

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What do you get when you cross a RPG with a cell phone? A microwave

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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A horse walks into a bar. The horse says "why the short face?"

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What's the difference between Colonel Sanders and a barrel of olives? Colonel Sanders isn't in a barrel.

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Whats black and hangs from the my tree? A tire swing.

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what's the difference between a jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your nuts with a jew.

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Micael Jackson enters a bar. Everyone screams, and then someone runs over and pulls the cheap mask off the impersonator's face. Michael Jackson IS DEAD, get over it

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Who is Dank? A: Billal

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Chris:"knock, knock" Rhianna:"owwww..." Chris:"open da door" Rhianna:"so u can punch me in the face" Chris:"duhhh, I jus got brass knuckles"

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I started a pottery course where the two instructors looked like Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze. The only other student looked like Whooping Goldberg. This teacher to student ratio proved invaluable as I am hoping to make a living as an artist and really appreciated all the extra attention.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He died of alcohol poisoning that day

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Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? A. Matt

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What's oily and smells like smegma? Kevin Crummy

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these guys im about to shoot owen,john,henry,shawn

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A fish walked into a bar. Actually it didn't, since fish can't walk.

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How can you know your roommate is gay? His dick has the taste of shit

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what's black and white and red all over? a zebra in a blender

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Two muffins are in an oven. They say absolutely nothing because they're muffins and not sentient.

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binladin walks into the american seals

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why couldnt the jew play basketball? He was handicapp

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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