A man was found dead, in an ice cream van, the other day. He was covered from head to toe in hundreds and thousands, with two flakes sticking out of his ears. The police say it was a tragedy and will be informing his next of kin in the next few days.

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person 1: don't look person 2:Why person 1:because my shirt not on and my boobs are jiggiling

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Fred: says hi Bob: says shut up why the hell do you have to be so rude!!! Fred:thankyou ob thats better

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Johnny: I saw you long time ago. You were quite the school clown back in the day. Boy I remember back when I was just a whipper snapper we used play around and goof around all day. Whatdya think? Richard: Shut up, motherfuckingbitch

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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Yo mama's so poor that she's living in poverty.

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A apple is red a banana is to never mind that joke sucks

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your mammas so big that she needs paint rollers to put on lipstick

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Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks

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How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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You haven't happened to see a cigarette truck around here have you? What's a truck?

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? It depends on a variety of factors such as the size of your mouth, the amount of saliva, etc.

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I'd like to advertise the love of Jesus in Kobane. Do u join me next Monday? :D

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what is the best part about sleeping with twenty six year olds? they are usually very experienced in sexual intercourse so there isn't much awkwardness

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Knock, knock. Come in.

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

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Why is is afraid of seven? Because seven is a date rapist

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Knock knock. I know who is there... What? No, I lied...

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A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

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What do you do when you see four black people and a Jew? You buy them

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Why did John get hard? He froze to death

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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