Person A: Knock Knock Person B: Who's there? Person A: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. Open the door. Person B: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest, open the door wh-- Suddenly the door is smashed open. Tear gas grenades are rolled in, temporarily blinding Person B. He is then dragged out of his apartment by nine federal agents who proceed to beat him and throw him into the back of an FBI van.

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What looks good hanging from trees? Spanish moss.

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

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What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

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Knock knock Who's there The police The police who? Ma'am your son is dead

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Roses are red, foxes are clever, I like your butt, let me touch it forever!

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all the kids had fun

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A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the mountains? A: Bear food.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Voldemort

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How many of my Dad's "fishing buddies" have gone down to the basement for a "meeting", but never returned? 37 so far. I'm concerned. I seriously have never seen my dad fish. Pretty sure he doesn't own a fishing pole.

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If a tree falls in the woods, how many animals lost their home to deforestation?

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what happen to the popo who got arrested? he told himself that he had the right to remain silent

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what do you call a Mexican driving a plane? a pilot you were probably to racist to work that out

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How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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Your mother is so stupid because as a child, she was unable to keep up with what was being taught as she unfortunately had a learning disability.

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[] [] Those are eyes These are teeth

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Q: Whats red and not a penis A: A lot of things

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What do you call a horse with two legs? A kangaroo

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Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, the answer is to get to the other side, but this is an anti-joke site so I don't know why as it can't be it.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Cars were invented after her death, so she never had the opportunity to learn.

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How many Jews can you fit in an ashtray? None

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What do 10 dead babies in a blender sound like? Idk because I was too busy masturbating.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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