Q: How do you stop a baby from spinning in circles? A: Nail his other hand to the floor

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What's worse than being human? Nothing... No I literally mean nothing at all. Like not being anything?

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Roses are red Bacon is also red Poems are hard Bacon

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How does a blonde get pregnant? (I don't know) And you thought blondes were dumb.

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a priest, a bishop and a cardinal walk into bar to hand out pamphlets about alcoholism

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A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

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A blond, a brunette and a redhead are all trapped on a desert island. They work together and manage to survive until help arrives.

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A black man is playing guitar for a white man and a chinese man. After he is finished playing the white man and chinese man compliment him on his nice playing.

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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A man walks into a bar, orders a few drinks and becomes drunk. the bartender calls a taxi and the man is driven home.

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A black guy walks up to a drug dealer. He asked the drug dealer for directions and went on with his life.

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what did the clinically depressed man last post on twitter? "Oh cruel world, i finally lost all faith in the good of humanity. I am unloved and irrelevant to all. I know nobody will miss me, but goodbye anyway. #suicide " nobody followed him and saw the post and he died alone with nobody at his funeral.

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How do you wake Lady GaGa up? set her alarm for a reasonable hour.

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What has two wings and a halo? A chinese phone. WING WING HALO?

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What do you get when you put a dead baby and some nails in a blender? A dead baby and some nails

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I like to eat.

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Why do Chinese people smell? Because of their ethnicity...plus, they smell.

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How do you confuse a blond? Ask her to solve ( [3x - 3x^2 +1]^744 ) x ( [- 3x + 3x^2 +1]^745 )

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You're an Irish male that walks into a bar full of Mexicans. Upon entering you are approached by two topless women. ....You realize you have been coming to the same sleazy strip club on the edge of town every night after work for the past few years. After seeing that you have gradually become completely bald and neglect your two children and wife, you recognize your extreme depression. Strippers now see you as a consistent, "paying customer" and you proceed seek psychiatric care, while being prescribed anti-depressants. The Mexicans at the bar are hard working, tax-paying citizens that would like to provide an education for their children.

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Yo' momma's so fat that when she steps on the scales the number seen to appear is proportionately larger than that seen to appear when the average human steps on them.

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the cow goes moo

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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Whats white and can't climb trees? A Fridge

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. Then he woke with a fright In the middle of the night And thought about what a strange dream he was having.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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