How do you wake Lady GaGa up? set her alarm for a reasonable hour.

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What do you get when you put a dead baby and some nails in a blender? A dead baby and some nails

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Why do Chinese people smell? Because of their ethnicity...plus, they smell.

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How do you confuse a blond? Ask her to solve ( [3x - 3x^2 +1]^744 ) x ( [- 3x + 3x^2 +1]^745 )

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I like to eat.

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You're an Irish male that walks into a bar full of Mexicans. Upon entering you are approached by two topless women. ....You realize you have been coming to the same sleazy strip club on the edge of town every night after work for the past few years. After seeing that you have gradually become completely bald and neglect your two children and wife, you recognize your extreme depression. Strippers now see you as a consistent, "paying customer" and you proceed seek psychiatric care, while being prescribed anti-depressants. The Mexicans at the bar are hard working, tax-paying citizens that would like to provide an education for their children.

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Yo' momma's so fat that when she steps on the scales the number seen to appear is proportionately larger than that seen to appear when the average human steps on them.

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the cow goes moo

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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Your mom is so fat that her BMI is in the morbidly obese column.

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Whats white and can't climb trees? A Fridge

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. Then he woke with a fright In the middle of the night And thought about what a strange dream he was having.

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what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

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why did the man come out of the closet? because the dark scares him and it smelled like moth balls

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What does a baseball and a T-Rex have in common? What? Neither of them is a carrot.

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jgkbk,mn

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar..... Wait..... How?

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Why do Jewish people where hats in church? They feel there head will often get cold

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your doorstep? A: Whatever his name is.

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Hahahahahhaha...................................black people

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roses are black violets are gray im color blind

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Why did the Sara fall off the swing, Because she had no arms. Knock, knock Who's there not sara.

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What is the difference between Jews and the boyscouts? The boyscouts come home from camp.

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Did you hear about the woman you got hit by a car? The Driver was intoxicated and had no control over his faculties which cause him to careen off of the road and hit this poor soul as she patiently waited at a crosswalk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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