Why are there no more monkeys jumping on the bed? I shot them all.

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What did the policeman say to the man accused of murder? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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ha do call a by with red heir a freckles? ginger

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What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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(insert Anti-Joke here)

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jeff. Jeff who? Sh*t. Wrong house.

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When is the right time to have sex with a 16 year old? After consent from her parents

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How do you escape from being enlisted in the army of your nation? Flee to a different country and bring along your valuables.

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What did the racist white guy say to the black guy? Nigger

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Murray Harnett Smells like a dirty Burringbar Whore!

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An English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar. I observed this from outside and therefore have no idea as to any of the sequence of events that occurred once they had entered the bar and disappeared from my line of sight.

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What do you call a homosexual with no legs or arms. Jerry

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How do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the Brake

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around? A kitten in a blender

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Why are young girls better at school than young boys? Because young boys think about young girls.

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What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor

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Roses are red Bacon is also red Poems are hard Bacon

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Whats the worst thing that happened in the holocaust? it ended

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Q: why did timmy fall over? A: he was hit by a plane

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What do you get with two banana peels? Compost.

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A dad is very proud of his son for just having graduated preschool. he tells him son, ill get you anything you want. he says i want a pink pingpong ball. the dad is confused but he does it anyway. the next year, he graduates kindergarten. the dad asks the same question. the son this time says i want 10 pink pingpong balls. so the dad, very confused, does it. 5 years later, he graduates elementary school. this time he says 100 pink pingpong balls. high school the dad says cmon your going to college ANYTHING! A CAR? A HOUSE? no i want 1,000 pink pingpong balls. the kid then goes to college and 4 years later and majors in african relief. the dad is very proud but he says. lemme guess? 10,000 pink ping pong balls? YEP. the kid goes to africa to help out because he's a good person. he then meets his wife helping out there also. they get married and the dad flies out to africa to see the wedding. he then knows that he needs 100,000 pink pingpong balls shipped in. the dad goes back to the US and 9 months later finds out that he is a grandfather. he ships 1,000,000 pink ping pong balls into africa. a few years later he finds out that his son contracted a rare african disease and is going to die very soon. now the father is deeply in debt from all the ping pong balls, so his community helps him raise money to go to africa. he meets his son on his death bed. and they talk for a long time. the dad finally says. yknow son i really need to ask you, why did you ask for all those ping pong balls? the son says: "Well dad, I--" and then he dies

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When life hands you lemons hand them back because you don't like lemons

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What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? Nothing. He is Jewish, therefore he does not celebrate Christmas, he celebrates Hanukkah. So he won't get a present for Christmas, he will get eight presents for Hanukkah. (He'll like getting a good deal).

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Wanna hear a Harry Potter joke? Knock Knock Who's there? You know You know who?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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