I saw a kid watching Harry Potter so I asked him "Do you like Harry Potter?" he replued "yeah" so I asked "do you want to be Harry Potter" he said "yeah"... ...so I killed his parents and locked him in a cupboard.

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Q :What do you call a cow running through a field? A: Bob

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I heard the new Batman movie was to die for

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Why do Jews have big noses? Because it is genetic.

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Lacrosse is the best sport in the world

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knock knock whose there?? seth oh, come in

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What did the priest say to the child.... nothing he just gripped his arm tightly and pulled down his pant

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A racist indian (from india) walks into a bar (in india). A catholic priest walks into the same bar. The bar says 'moo'. The bar is a shape-shifting cow.

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how do you refer to a guy with a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket and low riding? by his first name

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why did obama become president? people voted 4 him.

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Someone thought that an onion was the only food that made you cry. So I threw a watermelon at his face.

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Two men walk into a bar, the third man ducks.

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Where did little Annie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Knock knock "Steve I have a door bell."

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I know animal testing is cruel, but my dog did really well on the SATs.

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A fairly-priced Apple computer.

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Think about this. I am lying to you right now.

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what is the best thing to do if you are stuck in a cave with ten lions that haven't eaten in ten years? well the lions aren't the thing to worry about because if they have not eaten in ten years then they would have starved to death

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What happens when you throw a red rock in a green pond? It sinks.

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Why is Kim Jong Un so fat? Because he takes all the food in the country and sends his own people to live in concentration camps!

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why doesnt cornelia say anything? she didnt answer

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Why was the thirteen year old raped by an online predator? Because he made very poor choices on giving out his personal information.

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If Dwayne the Rock Johnson was short who would he look like? Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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