A padawan walks into a bar. He is promptly ridiculed by his master for not minding his surroundings.

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Person 1: You have something on your head Person 2: What? Where? What is it? Person 1: Hair

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What did the homeless war veteran get for christmas? Nothing because we don't treat our veterans very well.

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So this guy is driving down the road and he is going real slow, he was going so slow in fact he wasn't even moving, because he was dead.

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Three ladies were seen eating ice cream. One of them was licking the ice cream. Another was sucking the ice cream and the other was biting the ice cream. One of these ladies is currently married. Which one among them is the married lady? The one with a wedding ring on.

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Why did Nigel decide to lie and remain on the ground? He didn't. Somebody beat him ruthlessly and stole his wheelchair. Nigel has no legs by the way.

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What's 7+7? 14 you dumbass

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I got ran over

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What does 1+1 equal? 2

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Why did the plane crash into a mountain? Because a Banana was flying it, and Bananas can't fly planes.

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What's worse than your mom finding out she has AIDS? After she found out she had AIDS she stormed out of the hospital and got run over by a bus.

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JUSTIN BIEBER IS A FAG

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From a picture, it is difficult to tell the difference between an apatosaurus and a diplodocus.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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What do you call a fly without wings? A fly without wings.

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How do you make a doctor upset? Teabag his dying mother

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A man walks into a bar. - - - - - - - - -

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What do you call an owl that is a magician too? Owls cannot be magician you retard.

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A: Knock Knock. B:Who's there? A: The IRS and Child Protective Services

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Roses are green Violets are yellow I have an optical disorder

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handle bars except for the duck

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Roses are red My binoculars are blue The curtains are open I see you

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Comfortably, four.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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