What's red and weighs a metric ton? An apple, my scale wasn't calibrated

thumb_up thumb_down -17

roses are red violets are blue get out of my face before i kill you

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q) How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A) One

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's worse than a monkey attack. Nothing monkey attacks absolutely blow.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

24

thumb_up thumb_down -17

2 guys are in a bar joking and having a good time. One guy looks to the other and says, "So...HOWS your wife?" The man replies "...She died in a horrible car accident." The man's friend then says "...I am sorry to hear that.." "Yeah I know I wish that God damn rat wasn't in the road goddamn fucker"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did Lil' Susie leave her blue rain boots at home? Because she had stumps for legs. To attempt to wear them would only hurt her emotionally.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the cat say to the towel? Meow.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

thumb_up thumb_down -17

why dont you throw rocks at a mexican on a bike? its unethical and can severely hurt the individual on the bike

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb?? None it is physically impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats worst than getting bombed by the russians? The holocaust!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Did you hear about the Asian boy that entered the piano competition? He died yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the gay guy go in the bar? To find some hookers

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Wait! hundred billions!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

your mom is so ugly, when she throws a boomerang it doesn't come back

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's the difference between a dead dog lying in the middle of the street and a dead black man lying in the middle of the street? The physical differences you would commonly expect to be between a human being and a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the mother say to her son? Nothing, she was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the girl cross the road? To get run over by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Optimus Prime: "GIVE ME YOUR FACE!" Shockwave: "Illogical. I have no face." Optimus Prime: "Then GIVE ME YOUR EYE!" *RIPP*

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A girl walked into a bar and sat next to a man. She asked what he was drinking. He said something that makes you fly. She didn't believe him. He then went up to the roof, jumped off and walked back in the front door. She got the drink then tried to jump off the roof, and died on impact. The bartender said to the man "You're a real asshole when you're drunk superman."

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops