Girl: What is your phone number? Guy: 1-800-Choke-Dat-Ho

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Knock knock who's there? Gary Glitter ?_?

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whats worse than ten dead babies in one trashcan? one dead baby in ten trashcans

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How many seals does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Depends on how high the ceiling is.

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A blind man cant see this joke, so I probably shouldnt write it..

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If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, a poor african child probably has nothing and is starving to death while you and Chuck debate on how to spend your five dollars.

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, cause they are walls.

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What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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Knock knock. Who's there? ... Damn knick knockers.

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okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

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Fiona: SHREK! WHERE WERE YOU TONIGHT? Shrek: Out clubbing with the boys. Fiona: What did you do. Shrek: Eat Jews. Borat: iz vedy naaace

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A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

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2 men walk into a bar. The first man proceeds to fall on the ground and let out a string of obscenities, obviously in excruciating pain. The second man, fearing that he may have suffered some sort of concussion, immediately goes to his doctor and gets checked out. He is still awaiting results.

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An iguana walks out of a bar

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What happened to the guy who dropped his soap in the prison shower? His friend picked it up for him.

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It's a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body, and lined them up end to end, you would die.

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A man and a woman are in bed together and really want to do something, what is that something? Sleep.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? A comment saying "I don't think that's an anti-joke"

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How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask them politely to turn down their volume.

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Why can't Jay cut his hair? Because he has AIDS

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Yo mama's so fat, she's at risk for a number of obesity related disseases, including diabetes, hypertension, and heart dissease.

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What did the parrot say to the cow? Moo

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What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and floats? Nothing, its rude to make fun of disabilities.

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"I see!" said the blind man, as he picked up a saw and hammer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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