What did the ocean say the other ocean? Nothing, bodies of water are incapable of speech.

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What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to his party? Because he used to be alive and was burned to death by an overturned truck carrying chemical's so his family canceled the party to organise the funeral.

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Why did the black man win the race? Because he was talented and hardworking.

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What's big, white, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you? A refrigerator.?

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Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he was too much of a bitch to when his friends dared him.

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Johnny Depp is Alexander Graham the whole time.

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Im cute hehehee

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What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy? You're skinny

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What's worse than failing your english test? Contracting HIV

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i am not a pothead!!! the only time ive evr been high was springbreak last year!!! mm hmm... wat were u doin over spring break to get high? i had jaw surgery and the doctor had me on tons of painkillers

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Asian women drivers...

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What's black and white and red all over A bloody penguin

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Why did the alligator travel through time? To get to the other side.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police, your mother is dead.

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A black man comes home from work.

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Q: what happened to the man who dropped the soap? A: nothing, he casually bent over and picked it up.

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A wife asks her husband to treat her like she's special. So he tells her, "Gooooooooooo... Maaaaaaaaaaaaake... Meeeeeeee.... Aaaaaa.... Saaaaaaaandwitch

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a tire swing? A: I don't have a tire swing hanging in my backyard.

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Three minorities walk into a bar and are treated poorly

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A man walks into a restaurant and ordered a soup. Then, he called the waiter and said the soup tasted funny. The waiter said, "so laugh". the man then killed the guy and sips the soup while laughing.

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all hail based mark

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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