if you have 5 oranges and 15 ice cubes, how many pancakes can you fit on the roof? red, because aliens dont wear shirts.

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What did the snowman put on his head? Nothing; snowmen are inanimate.

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A kid has no friends.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? This would be unlikely to happen, as it would cut the story short.

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I hope you take your own wise words to heart Nero, how would you like to claim to be me and get our ship somewhat on land before it all goes to pieces? After all I have been claiming to be you for a long long time.

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Me: do u you want to here a joke You: ya Me: Woman's rights

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? The baby is not a car.

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your going to die

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Yo mama so fat she has more chins than the Chinese phone book. A.V.T was here Fred.

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Why did the surrealist go to the doctor? Knock Knock.

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I like my women like I like my coffee Without a penis

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I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me,.WUMBO!

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Q: How do you get a jewish girls number? A: You roll up her sleeve

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What time is it? 10:58

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The sentence at the bottom is true. The sentence at the top is false.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

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what happened to the 4 year old girl who got stuck in the freezer? She froze.

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Knock, knock. The man knocking finds a note taped to the door saying "we'll be back in a week", the man proceeds to walk back home and tell his wife that they weren't home and that he'll return the rake he borrowed from them next week when they're back.

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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Q: What weighs 6 ounces, is extremely dangerous, and lives in a tree? A: A sparrow with a machine gun.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your physician, you're going to die.

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Knock, Knock. Who's There? Its Greg. I forgot my keys, can you let me back in?

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Have you heard of Helen Keller's dog? No. Neither has she

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A Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Russian walk into a bar. The Frenchman orders a glass of wine, the Irishman orders a whisky, and the Russian, who prefers to be sober, orders a glass of water. They have an all-around pleasant night, yet they leave the bar upset. Why? A severe water contamination in the town resulted in the Russian man consuming a fatal dose of arsenic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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