Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Yo mama's so fat, she weighs 283 pounds.

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What's the safest way to tell a racist joke? Ask everybody who might hear the joke if they would be offended by a racist joke.

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why did the man walk into the metal pole? because hes blind and suffers from cancer.

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Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a terrorist.

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Q: A giraffe fell in a hole and died. Which was taller the Lion or Giraffe? A: The Giraffe was before it died

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What did Grandma Sally give Little Timmy for Christmas? Herpes

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An Irishman and his sheep are locked in a barn together for 3 days. On the 3rd day his wife finally notices that he is gone, and comes looking in the barn for her husband. She liberates him, cooks him dinner, and they both laugh at the bestiality that occurred in the barn. 3 days is indeed a long time for anyone to endure.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have trouble understanding each other.

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what do mexicans and grass have in common You find them both in your front yard

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What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pig, because even if a pig could learn karate its still a pig.

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What has two thumbs and is very pale? A dead baby.

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What did the chicken say to her chicks? One day I'll explain why we do this. For now, just follow me.

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wanna hear a clean joke? bob took a bath with bubbles. wanna hear a dirty joke? bubbles was a man :) i heard this somewhere and it made me laugh :)

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a convicted cannibalistic rapist.

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Why was the black man pulled over on his way to KFC? Because he ran a red light.

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what happens when a dog and a cat have sex? They create a beautiful baby that ends up dieing from cancer.

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Why didn't the Orphan finish his lemonade. His legs got chopped off.

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What's the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods? One is a mythical person who parents exploit to get their children to behave due to lack of parenting skills.

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what's gray, red, and goes over a 100 mph? a toad in a blender

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Q.why'd the monkey fall out of the tree A. because he was dead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Cats meow Dogs have four legs

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your momma is so fat that she should be worried about her higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, and ugliness.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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