A young boy walks into a bar and asks for directions or a map. The bartender takes him into a backroom and gives him a map he just happened to have. The boy continues on his way and the bartender is happy that he did a good deed.

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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What do you get when you cross an intersection? Possibly a lower leg contussion, ACL tear, breaks in 4 different sections of your arm and lots of brain swelling if you are hit by a car.

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Why did the man die? A fridge fell on him.

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Jesse gets so many ladies

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Yesterday, I was assasinated.

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Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide.

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STOP BULLYING FAT PEOPLE. They have enough on their plate

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Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

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An Englishman walks into a bar.

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what did the girl get with her blueberry waffles? blue waffles.

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Am I the boss.No I was just offered the job

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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What did the Albino say to the other albino? Due to heredity and our inheritance of Chromosomes causing albinism, We could be displaced in society but luckily, we have eachother. They went home and lived happily. But not ever after. That craps or normal people. (freaking albinos...)

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what is the difference betweeb 69 and 77? 8

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint your self green and throw forks at her.

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Why did the genie not grant the man his 3 wishes? Genies don't exist, only vampires live in lamps.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? bob bob who? the builder

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Hey Jew. What? Shut up.

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Q: whats white and smells like shit A: my ass

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What's easier to get than a broke hooker on the side of the street? Osama Bin Laden.

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Your mom is so fat, when she sweats, it is more than the normal amount of sweat.

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What happens when you mix a camel and a penguin? A cenguin!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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