I'm Donald Trump! Wump wump wump! What's good for the goose Is good for the gander I'm Donald Trump!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why didn't the Asian student ask for a calculator? Because he was busy washing the dishes and thought a calculator would be completely inappropriate for the situation at hand.

thumb_up thumb_down +322

A Russian who dosen't like vodka

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me 3 times, oh now you're just being a jerk

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the bus driver say to the black man? I like your shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

He was as tall as a 6 foot 3 tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whos got a massive fukkinn melon...B.I.M

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Q-Why the baby drop is lollypop? A: He got hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do a squirrel and a cucumber have in common? They both cant ride bikes

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.

thumb_up thumb_down +4,035

Yo mammas so stupid she has a profound intellectual disability.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

If you give a mouse a cookie... ...you're destroying its natural diet. It might die.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red violets are blue suck my **** and I'll **** you too

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken crose the rode? Because there was a 10 foot scorpion chaseing it

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How did the baby cross the road? The baby got stapled to a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Three men walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would of ducked?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the Liver say to the Heart? Nothing, Organs can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I saw a dog pick up a dead bird with its mouth. Crazy cause the bird had ants and maggots all over it, it smelled bad. Well anyways the dog drops it, and he stares at it for a few seconds. Then another dog comes and tilts his head. I'm guessing he's confused and is like "why did you pick that gross thing up? " So they both leave the bird there, in the first dog's owner's backyard. (He was on the cemented porch, not the grass. Just so you can picture it better) Okay well the two dogs go to the park, hoping to get some action with other dogs. Yeah, they were out of luck. There was no one there cause it was Christmas Eve. Who goes to the park on Christmas Eve? Do you? I know I don't. So the two dogs walk out of the park, heads down because well they're sad. On their way out, they see a dog with a bird in its mouth. They keep going because the dog was ugly, heading to the neighborhood going to the first dog's owner's backyard. They take a sip of water from the stainless steel bowl, munch out on some dog food. The dog food was from a 50 pound bag of dog food, it had all the nutrients and vitamins and minerals dogs need to be healthy. Oh and the brand was Iams. Pedigree is for owners that obviously don't care for their dogs cause Pedigree sucks. The owner of the first dog bought the food at the nearest PETCO for around 30$ That's crazy. 30$ for dog food. That's a good owner spending good money on his dog. I would do the same. So when the dogs were done eating, the first dog looks for the dead bird. (The bird the first dog had picked up at the beginning of the story) Turns out the bird is missing. Where could it have gone? The two dogs look everywhere. Then after 20 minutes the second dog says "Hey! We're being clumsy. The third dog had a bird exactly like yours! " So they run to the park hoping they'll find the third dog. He wasn't in anyone's sight until suddenly a familiar voice coming from behind says "Looking for this, Bimbos? What fool would leave such a delicious bird like this in their owner's backyard? " The first dog says "Hey! Give me back my bird! " The third dog refuses. So they begin to fight. Then the second dog snatches the bird And runs away with the bird. The two fighting dogs are still fighting till they notice the horrible stench is gone. The second dog isn't anywhere in sight. That shit cray.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A chicken crosses the road as a car comes by. The driver pumps the brakes and stops the car just before hitting the chicken. The chicken crosses the road safely. Onward, my noble steed !

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A boy and his dad are in bed and his dad is telling him a story. And the cow told the farmer to get out of the bar. Now, what did the farmer say? Holy shit a talking cow!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why'd the plane crash? Because the pilot was an orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why is a man like a packet of cards? Both are organic.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what do u get when two cars collide... a bunch of mexican

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why was the Chinese Man mistaken for the other Chinese Man? They were twins.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops