What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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You heard about that piece of shit that says no all the time? Yes, I bet you haven't though. no.

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your momma's so fat that she weighs a lot

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what is big white and hurts when it falls on you out of tree? A refrigerator

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If a canoe is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, howmany pancakes does it take to cover the roof of my house? False, snakes don't have armpits!

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Chuck Norris once round-house kicked someone so hard that he broke his leg.

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Just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge and they're still within the use by date.

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??? Because it was dead.....

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A legless and armless woman is laying on the beach. A man walks by and hears her crying. "What's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been kissed before" says the woman. So the man leans down and kisses her. The next day the man sees the woman crying at the beach again. "What's wrong this time?" asks the man. "I've never been hugged before" So the man picks up the legless and armless woman and gives her a big hug. The next day the man sees the woman still on the beach crying. "Okay now what's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been f---ked before" says the woman. So the man picks up the woman, and has sex with her. They end up going on several dates later on and getting married at sunset on the very beach where they met.

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Women Voting

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Why did Lebron go to Miami? Because Chuck Norris told him to.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police your son died in a car wreck.

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Potato!

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Why did the lady have a birthmark on her leg? Because she came out of her mother's leg.

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Guess what? Chicken butt! No I have aids, you might want to get yourself tested

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If a tree falls, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? No. While the falling tree surely creates mechanical oscillations in the air, sound is defined as the mechanical oscillations in the air perceived by humans. Therefore, since no humans were around to hear the tree fall, it did not create a sound.

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Two men fought over a bag of peanuts. The peanuts won.

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Yo mama so fat she at the rest of this joke.

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What is the best way to eat a dead baby? I don't know. That is incredibly disgusting.

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what can jump higher than a tree? anything that can jump because everyone knows that trees cannot jump.

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Q: What did one muffin say to the other muffin? A: "AAAA! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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why didnt little timmy finish his test he was eaten by a muslim rhino... .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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