A duck walks into a bar and says, "Put it on my bill"

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How are friends and bananas alike? If you peel their skin and eat them they die.

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What do you call a girl who can run faster than me? Virgin

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yo momma so old that when she whent to school there was no history class

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping out. After they set up their tent and get inside to go to sleep, they look up at the stars. Holmes asks Watson to make a deduction. "Well, Holmes, I think it's highly probable that other planets outside our own, among those many stars up there, could have sentient life." Holmes points up and says, "Someone stole our tent, you idiot."

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There is two guys named tard and retard on a boat in shallow water. they both fall off. Who gets back up onto the boat? - Obviously Tard because ur dealing with a retard here.

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Why didn't Jimmy do well at school? Because he was recently in a car accident, which severely damaged his brain, making it difficult for him to learn things, because of his severely damaged brain, which he got in a car accident, which he was recently involved in.

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What did they do with the drunken sailor? Gave him the sack, which meant he could no longer provide for his family.

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Why did the little girl cry? The little girl cried for mercy as her attackers violated every inch of her innocent body, tearing her up from the inside until her organs were forced out of her anus and blood squirted from her ears as the pressure inside her body exceeded to a maximum. After the attackers were done with the corpse, they cut off her limbs and stapled them to her head.They placed her now decomposing body on the front porch of the worried parents' house and rang the doorbell.

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Q-What do you call a dog with no legs? A-Nothing because he cant come over to you anyway..

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Correct grammar and proper use of capitals on the internet. Oh yeah, and a horse walked into a bar. It didn't think much of it.

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Superman and Batman get in a fight, who wins? No one the world has just lost a superhero.

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A man walks into a chiropractor. The chiropractor asked whats wrong with you? The man replies My boner has scoliosis.

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You want some cake? Sure! Okay, go buy the ingridients and bake me some. YAY!

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What is blue and has wheels? Grass- I lied about the colour and the wheels.

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How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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A rapist leaps out a woman and yells "surprise!" and proceeds to have non-consensual intercourse with her. Later, he is arrested by the police and charged with sexual assault.

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Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

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What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

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What did the Mexican shoe salesman say to the man? Excuse me, do you whih way to main street?

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Why are many frogs green? Because yes they are.

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What did the father say to his son? ....nothing

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ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

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Yo momma's so old, she lives in a nursing home and is on various medications that she needs to take to stay in optimum health.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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