Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did one cow say to the other? Moo.

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Dries Roelvink walks into a bar...

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Teacher: Why did you fail this test? Student: Because the hamster that gives energy to my brain just died.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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Q. What did the Muffins say to the man? A. Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects therefore unable to speak.

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You know what's real bullshit? That stuff that comes out of a bull's ass.

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Suicide Johnny and the Go Kill Yourselves

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roses are red violents are blue your dad is gay soon it all be you !

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What is worse than being paralyzed from the neck down Nothing

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Q: what do you call a much green circle that tastes good? A: An avocado

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What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

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What's black, white, and red all over? An interracial man with multiple stab wounds.

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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Okay, this is a real joke: A guy slips on a banana and falls down in the most funny way ever, so a girl nearby starts laughing when she suddenly realizes the guy is bleeding profoundly, so she runs over to help, but it turns out the blood was just ketchup so... Just then they both got run over and killed by a car.

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Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waist down and had no way of feeling

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Why did Tommy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Tommy.

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A black man, a Pakistani and Jew sit at a bar. It's great to see such a cosmopolitan community.

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brittney griner

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What do you call 55,000 clowns exiting a small car? Fiction.

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What did the Chinaman say to the other Chinaman? I dont know, he was speaking in Chinese.

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A man walks into a chiropractor. The chiropractor asked whats wrong with you? The man replies My boner has scoliosis.

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Q: What do you call an orange if it isn't orange? A: Nothing. Chances are you won't see it until it has ripened.

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what did the man living in the box buy with his new found money? A bigger box.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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