how do you warm someone up? you set their house on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why did the chicken cross the road? I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents' farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers ravaged her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Whats worse than a blonde jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car, and orphaning two little girls who are beat in the orphanage and become homeless and unimportant and consequently jumping off bridges themselves?

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Knock knock. Who's there?

thumb_up thumb_down -84

What's the difference between a monkey wrench and a snow cone? A lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

roses are red, violets are blue my name is hitler, good bye jew

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's worse than an apple with a worm? Serial Murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make a Trucker cry? Kill his family and chop of his arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you call a pig that knows karate? pork-chop!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Women's rights... Are a legitimate concern in today's society.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red Roses are pink Roses are yellow Roses are white

thumb_up thumb_down -19

a man died

thumb_up thumb_down +8

The 80's

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: a blonde, a brunette, and redhead jump off a cliff, which one hits the ground first? A: Most likely the one that weighs more

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A Pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock Knock Whos there? The police, we've been getting reports of many ironically named metaphors knocking on your door to which you reply witty utterances, can you explain this frankly quite disturbing behaviour? The police, we've been getting reports of many ironically named metaphors knocking on your door to which you reply witty utterances, can you explain this frankly quite disturbing behaviour who? Wait aren't you the one who's supposed to supposed tell the punchline? Oh Yeah

thumb_up thumb_down -20

WHO IS A CHIKEN???????????? I AM do you got a problem with that!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

JFK

thumb_up thumb_down -32

When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -136

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? A stimulus in the environment to the receptors in his fingers caused his hand to open no longer gripping the ice cream. Due to this, the ice cream fell to the ground causing a desirable mess for someone to clean up, satisfying themselves with the fact that they have considered the environment during this small ''could happen to anybody'' situation. After the messed was cleaned up, the boy's mother bought him another ice cream, in which case the boy anticipated another potential mess, and held the ice cream carefully. As he did this, he managed to finish eating the whole of the ice cream, allowing no money that was paid for the product to go to waste.

thumb_up thumb_down -166

Haikus are rigid, Their structure gives them beauty, And if you ignore the structure they kind of don't make sense and are bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Paperclip... BANANA?!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A kid walked in to a bar, grabbed a napkin, and left

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock knock! Who's there? Your mum. Oh hi mum, the doors unlocked

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops