Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was tied to the first one.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did the retarded man jump off a building to commit suicide? He didn't try to commit suicide. He was mentally retarted and didn't know any better.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? No, the impact of the colliding objects being the tree and the ground causes a disturbance in the silence thus causing a sound. The tree gets too much credit.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the working mother get her son for Christmas? Empty promises.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your momma is so fat that she is on a diet and exercises regularly.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

September 8, 2011 Amy Winehouse: 46 days sober. Date of death: July 23, 2011

thumb_up thumb_down +8

4/20.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

What's brown and sticky? Poop

thumb_up thumb_down -46

What did the toaster say to the bread? Nothing. Toasters can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Q)Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet? A)Because the P is silent.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

why did the chicken cross the road. why? because he felt like it

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What did one blind girl ask the other? A: Where are you?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: If a turtle loses its shell is it naked, homeless, or dead? A:Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +89

What did the Black man say when he just got home from work? "Hi honey, I just got home from work."

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Why was Jesus able to walk on water? Because he was the son of God and therefore devine, he can do whatever he pleases

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A rabbit enters in apharmacy and asks for a carrot. The man says:"There aren´t any carrots in here." In the next two days the same happens, but the man replies that he'll hammer the rabbit if he comes back. In the other day, the rabbit is found dead with a bloody hammer nearby.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Three men walk into a Bar.... You'd have thought at least one of them would have seen it !

thumb_up thumb_down -39

whats cheese thats not yours? the one in the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Q.Why did the chicken cross the road? A.To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? The chicken!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +54

What do you call a black person pushing a car? A very strong human being.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Kid walks into principals office Principal: do you know why I called you down here. Kid: yeah, I punched a kid at lunch. Principal: that's not why I called you down here

thumb_up thumb_down +6

there are three dudes one is white, one is mexican, one is black so a wizard says wish of something you want to be and jump off the roof. so the white guy wishes to be and eagle and jumps off and is an eagle the mexican wishes to be an owl and jumps off an becomes an owl then the black guy wishes he had to shit and jumps off and falls to the ground cause he turns into shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough it was car. The End

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops